#TOSAchat Archive
#TOSAChat is a chat on Twitter every Monday night at 8pm PST for TOSAs (teachers on special assignment), including all edtech and instructional coaches.
Monday February 1, 2016
Kelly from So Lake Tahoe, CA Ed Tech & Curriculum Coordinator. My 1 word for hard convos is stressful.
Joe, math & STEM Coach from Palo Alto. Excited to be w & moderating tonight! My 1 word with HC: Listen.
Hey Debbie, EdTech TOSA, Burbank. Hard conversations = Cathartic
Rachel, K-5 instructional coach, Bozeman, MT. Excited to be here w and the crew!
Dave Scroggins, Rescue Union, The word I associate with hard conversations is "courage"
Ann here, TOSA in Fullerton, CA. Hard Conversations = awkward. vulnerable. necessary. growthful. hard. https://t.co/h3yAleEGcD
Karly, TOSA from Concord, CA. Looking forward to a fabulous chat with !
Listen, stressful, cathartic - really different responses to hard converations, eh?
Stressful is definitely something I feel too. Heard great keynote re how to respond to stress.
Jody from La Habra, CA. Tech coach. 1 word for hard conversations: uncomfortable.
Welcome Dave! https://t.co/thy45OXKH7
Dave Scroggins, Rescue Union, The word I associate with hard conversations is "courage"
um that's more than one! lol! good to see you Ann!
That's more than one word!
Brandi, Future Ready Coach from WA, word: growth
One word connected to hard conversations: anxious
We’re so excited you’re here with us, Rachel. Great to see you again.
good one Jody! Welcome back!
Cynthia Nixon, Ed Tech Coach in San Diego, CA. Word is anxious.
Hi , Jeremiah, math geek, Porterville. My 1 word Hard C's = New Learnings
Renee Costarella, Arcadia Unified, Ca Site Tech Coach and TOSA. "Do we have to?" Is a phrase, not a word
yeah. I'm breaking the rules tonight!
welcome Brandi! love that word!
Laurie Lit Coach in Central Cal - one word: "inevitable"
I’ve always said Listen to understand rather than to respond. When we can do that, the conversations aren’t as hard.
too HARD to narrow down to one word!
i hear ya Shea! Welcome back!
Yes. That goes for me too. Am reminded that Growth comes when we’re out of our comfort zone.
I do this every time! Sheesh. My one word about hard convos is "confrontation"
Thanks for joining us as our moderator tonight!!!
So impressed by this amazing group of TOSAs - having been one you inspire me to no end. Bravo - you got together & work together!
Welcome Brandi. Glad you’re here. Great that you pointed out Growth as your 1 word.
Barb in Minnesota, one word associated with hard conversations- judgmental
Aaaccckk!!!! Hate clowns, especially scary ones!
yeah, that's a good word.
HEY!!! Great minds Josh... great minds =)
that's fine! chose a bunch of words!
Hi Jessica from Fullerton. Word is stressful.
Jenna, from Lake County, EdTech/STEM Specialist for the County. Woot woot!!
Susan Stewart in Fresno, Ca. I will be in and out! Having the nightly difficult conversation about bedtime with toddlers...
Such a great approach, Joe!
Lisa Northern Ca TOSA. One word = avoid. Not a fan of hard conversations
is moderating right now. Jump on in
Boy Ben, that’s scary to see in my Tweetdeck.
great word Laurie and welcome back!
I think the same thing Renee! I always want to take someone with me! https://t.co/hjofm18MEl
Renee Costarella, Arcadia Unified, Ca Site Tech Coach and TOSA. "Do we have to?" Is a phrase, not a word
Amanda, math/tech TOSA in CA One for crucial convos = anxiety
So I'm learning there is value and they are necessary, but it is so not in my wheelhouse. I all... https://t.co/brhJcf8Fjn
Karen, Downey, CA InstructionalTechCoach, , Mindset
- I too am from Minnesota where we have a challenging time with hard conversationst -viewed as judgmental. Maybe.
yep good one Josh! welcome!
Definitely. Esp hard for those who are not confrontational. Like myself. :)
That’s a good one. I know I’ve felt that way before too.
Haha! Good one. It’s every night for me, too, and my kids are 9 and 11!
Helllllloooo, ! Ben Lausten, district curriculum specialist in snowy Colo. Mtns. my one word connected w hard convos: empathy
Hi Jeremiah! Always so great to chat with you! Great word! https://t.co/jAKCcIosP5
Hi , Jeremiah, math geek, Porterville. My 1 word Hard C's = New Learnings
ooh that's a good one too!
Me either! I really don't like confrontation =(
That's a lot of 1-word answers, Ann. :-)
Hey everyone, Tech coach in Pleasanton,a word to describe hard conversations...Is "Unfun" in the dictionary?
lol-great mindes! that was my word too.
Same to you Karly, great to be in tonight's convo I am positive I am going to learn a lot
Holla! Hans Solo EdTech Coach in Shafter CA
That was my second choice, but unlike I am too much of a rule follower!
If it isn't it is now! https://t.co/TQYxooWwsx
Hey everyone, Tech coach in Pleasanton,a word to describe hard conversations...Is "Unfun" in the dictionary?
Confrontation requires some kind of game plan. :) Looking forward to tricks and tips tonight!
I’m with you–clowns make my left eyelid twitch.
hah! I was hoping the punctuation would throw folks off!
i started reading book yesterday and I'm already 1/3 thru & inspired!
Hello ! Kathryn from Los Angeles, and I see I’m not the only parent w/ bedtimes to juggle tonight ;)
I think hard conversations can be uncomfortable but are they necessary trouble - short term discomfort for big goal?
Me, too. I'm a masterful avoider of confrontation!
I’m with you. I avoid confrontation. ‘Cause usually confrontation makes me cry and that’s embarrassing.
Some of the best advice from 1st principal re: hard convos: Bring data to the table. Then convo is about info, not opinion
Hans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay! Is that enough exclamation marks to show how excited I am to have you back in ? https://t.co/Tyb4TMMEDh
Holla! Hans Solo EdTech Coach in Shafter CA
Maintaining goal of Growth is important heading into any hard conversation! https://t.co/8rMVQy2Gv5
Thanks! They sure aren't fun, but I always learn from them! No matter which side of the convo I'm on!
TOTES! & then when they're done, & the other person never seemed uncomfortable, do you get mad it was only you?
I almost put sweaty but opted out of that one. ;)
A1: hard convos with people I respect-peers, superiors, family. I'm intimidated most by those.
A1: Hard conversations with my supervisor, parents, brother challenge me the most. Strong opinions & rare clarity in convo
A1: The hard convos that I find challenging r telling someone I feel they’re taking me for granted OR aren’t taking responsibility
Minnesota Nice? There is a passive side which requires others to be same or appear judgmental, even aggressive
- preach it. It is about impact not opinion unless it is interpersonal then opinion is impact and it matters.
A1: The hardest conversations are those that you have with the people you care about!!!
YAY! glad you're here tonight!!! I'm going to go outside and yell HELLO real loud...listen for me!
A1: Hardest Convo for me is when I feel my integrity is being questioned.
A1: Hard conversations with colleagues, who are also good friends, can be challenging. I always want to protect the relationship.
I wouldn't want to traumatize anyone!
Um, yeah! I find myself taking deep breaths and trying to readjust my thinking to see if I can get on the same page.
Never has there been truer words! is truly an incredible group! What a community of learners. https://t.co/lf3hcKovrx
So impressed by this amazing group of TOSAs - having been one you inspire me to no end. Bravo - you got together & work together!
- have an idea for you - in order to stay strong - we don't have to cry but we do have to be passionate
me too Debbie those are tough ones!
it's in our dictionary! welcome back Scott!
A1cont: In recent dilemma, I’ve gone in w courage, seeking clarity, & kept eye on big picture. Thanks to all on for support
A1 Is all of them an answer? If I have to pick I would say convos with my colleagues. Hard convos w/ family is easier.
woot woot! WElcome back Hans!
A1: Hard conversations challenge the members to choose their words carefully & get your point across without judgement or injury
Actually, I wish they were more inevitable. I’ve been in some environs where Ts avoid hard convos https://t.co/6ztot8Cdre
A1) I think the toughest conversations involving getting past the reasons we can't, lets start figuring out how we can!
- you have to say something no matter the outcome - you are going for a long term goal they might not acknowledge NOW
yes. forsure. we hate to upset those close to us.
Hi Jessica. Great to see you. says hi.
Hi Kelly, how was b-day. I hope you're feeling better
A1: the hardest conversations are when you have to tell someone something they either don’t want hear or aren’t ready to hear
Hey ! Ann from Billings, MT joining a little late.
I struggle with difficult conversations with the Ts I coach - most were (are) my peers. I want to maintain that peer relationship.
Very true. Many I know avoid hard convos as well. I know I’ve been in that position before.
A1: When convo's have been made with speculations, and Now its time to clean up. Those are hard too.
This is that third point of contact. It takes the personal feeling out of things. It becomes about data https://t.co/YaxPy2MqdV
Some of the best advice from 1st principal re: hard convos: Bring data to the table. Then convo is about info, not opinion
We have an incredible group here! We are very lucky to have each other. LOVE Monday nights! https://t.co/TzAnTpat6N
So impressed by this amazing group of TOSAs - having been one you inspire me to no end. Bravo - you got together & work together!
Healthy environs: Convos about learning/data Unhealthy environs: Convos about people. https://t.co/lHshX4LsQk
- preach it. It is about impact not opinion unless it is interpersonal then opinion is impact and it matters.
Super awesome! I hope you didn't take this opportunity to T your family about sharing (:
Mine is coming! This will be a great intro :) https://t.co/xGHLpW803a
i started reading book yesterday and I'm already 1/3 thru & inspired!
i hate that others can get me so worked up.
A1cont: Huge thanks to for his incredible support & passion.
. A1: talks about teacher apathy challenge me most, wear my patience down.
A1: - yes, when others aren't taking responsibility it is about the relationship along with the performance
Great to see you again Amanda. I always love connecting with you.
A1: Sometimes the hardest conversations are with myself. Psyching myself up to do or say something is often the biggest challenge
A1: Hardest convo this year has been telling Ts they are "using me wrong" and I won't come back 😬
A1:Agree w/many in the chat-- hardest convos are w/ppl you're close to Always a fear of ruining the relationship
Yes, welcome Karen. Great to have you with us on
A1: Toughest convos are grounded in emotional response, defense-I can't share and learn when I can't communicate!
true. I often find the hardest part is starting!
A1: Conversations where I am put on the spot and I am unprepared.
I struggle with having conversations that might make someone else feel uncomfortable or risk hurting someone’s feelings.
my friend KAREN is in the HOUSE!!!! WOOT!!!
- MN nice is wonderful and supportive and also doesn't always move the ball along in education - not always good.
The key is to say the right thing, so that next time the convo can continue!
A1: Conversations resulting from my error
YEAH, you’re in ! Welcome, !!! :) https://t.co/PfGw2JhDo4
This is that third point of contact. It takes the personal feeling out of things. It becomes about data https://t.co/YaxPy2MqdV
Some of the best advice from 1st principal re: hard convos: Bring data to the table. Then convo is about info, not opinion
A1: Conversations with Ts who have very loud, very strong opinions. I get defensive - take everything personally.
A1: Convo that involve Ss safety/learning or ones that involve areas of concern and their future career choices
So insightful! We can be our own worst enemies https://t.co/19nnGNP04W
A1: Sometimes the hardest conversations are with myself. Psyching myself up to do or say something is often the biggest challenge
This behavior is aggravating to me when folks blamecast as well. Sometimes it’s you, not everyone else.
It is a hard scale to balance for sure. one I struggle with as well.
Definitely wise words. Maintain an eye on the end goal & objective.
A1: - I agree - don't tell me I am not giving my best -not doing the 'right thing' - then it is about integrity.
Yes love the third point!!! Good call Cathy
Yup me too. Then I replay the convo over and over again in my head =(
A1cont: Talking about politics is always a hard conversation.
yeah, the not taking responsibility one is hard. Especially when it is someone you respect.
Ahh, that is challenging, especially if convo has negative tone
That is definitely a tricky position to be in. https://t.co/0M7u5QXb6t
I struggle with difficult conversations with the Ts I coach - most were (are) my peers. I want to maintain that peer relationship.
A1: - you must trust that you can decouple the two parts - and might need to name the hat you are wearing
Ahh good point, yes family is safer and more to relationships
A1: I often find myself needing time to process or digest, before the knee jerk reaction.
I’ve learned that Ts are not too different than Ss - “oreo” works well - sandwich a “grow" w/ 2 “glows" https://t.co/qfseXwnkDJ
I struggle with difficult conversations with the Ts I coach - most were (are) my peers. I want to maintain that peer relationship.
A1: These are the hardest for me, as well. https://t.co/Fc3afAUJc7
A1: Conversations where I am put on the spot and I am unprepared.
seriously. I find it easier with direct family then I do with friends.
A1 When I'm caught off guard and didn't see the convo coming and couldn't "practice" in my head
Ouch. How did that work out?
This is a big fear of mine too! https://t.co/acjwny4GPI
A1:Agree w/many in the chat-- hardest convos are w/ppl you're close to Always a fear of ruining the relationship
in the south we say no politics or religion at dinner parties! https://t.co/AvJYhtv4rI
A1cont: Talking about politics is always a hard conversation.
My strategy so far has been to avoid those convos... Ugh. Maybe save for year 2? ;)
I always feel safe having hard convos with my fam. Maybe I know they will always be there no matter what.
And then 2 days later I come up with the perfect responses.
i've gotten better about being able to ID the loud minority & see it as that. it helps not to take it so personal.
A1: Most difficult convos are w/ Ts that I care abt & relationships need nurturing
I agree. Not being prepared &/or being surprised during convo is very challenging for me too. https://t.co/KkQ7jz4D5j
A1: Conversations where I am put on the spot and I am unprepared.
when your passion is your work and you put yourself in your work - it's hard NOT to take it personally.
A1 b) I have to ditto this one, too! I am WITH you! https://t.co/4roeqMi4Gr
A1: Conversations with Ts who have very loud, very strong opinions. I get defensive - take everything personally.
And they are no longer giving it a second thought.
A1: sometimes we have to be the first person to speak a truth - just to get the ball rolling - to speak up first.
OMG YES! i have a few of those...so frustrating.
A1: Factors of challenging hard convos: miscommunication, misaligned goals, sweating the small stuff, talking more than listening
A1. Conversations that support and encourage productive critique are most difficult to facilitate
Wow!!! Way to raise the bar and be honest Were there steps to remedy? https://t.co/2MK53QhFgA
A1: Hardest convo this year has been telling Ts they are "using me wrong" and I won't come back 😬
I agree, but sometimes Ts see this (& they use it too) & worry you aren’t being sincere. https://t.co/BdCb33Q09Z
I’ve learned that Ts are not too different than Ss - “oreo” works well - sandwich a “grow" w/ 2 “glows" https://t.co/qfseXwnkDJ
I struggle with difficult conversations with the Ts I coach - most were (are) my peers. I want to maintain that peer relationship.
I’ve found 3 topics never to talk about: politics, religion, & your paycheck.
Hi Susan, yeah, if I had to be coach w/former colleagues, that would be very challenging
Sometimes they can’t wait, though. I’ve had to dig deep at times and just barrel through.
that is a great idea... hard to argue the facts.
I specifically handed the site I came from off out of my caseload for this reason.
The guard against is for the Ts to think the grow is not as imp as the glows. https://t.co/ktS6RDCq1C
I’ve learned that Ts are not too different than Ss - “oreo” works well - sandwich a “grow" w/ 2 “glows" https://t.co/qfseXwnkDJ
I struggle with difficult conversations with the Ts I coach - most were (are) my peers. I want to maintain that peer relationship.
A1: - care is not mutually exclusive from accountability. Not one or the other.
Yes! Those are really, really tough =( https://t.co/qVNwc5i0c5
A1: Conversations where I am put on the spot and I am unprepared.
very true. Love this thought. perhaps we all need to be a little more forgiving and understanding of ourselves
Tough conversations need forethought! https://t.co/ZuPO4TPtl8
A1 When I'm caught off guard and didn't see the convo coming and couldn't "practice" in my head
and if the relationship IS damaged it hurts to think that maybe you weren't as close as you thought
Me no likey confrontation, but I'm glad it happened. The T needed to hear it and I needed to say it!
https://t.co/d6myTIdM6v
Ouch. How did that work out?
This is a hard situation to be in. Have to build relationships but also have to be used based on your job.
..but, maybe part of accepting your new role is letting go of that version of the peer relationship(?)
Agreed. I have to remind myself to LISTEN--and not respond until I've had time and space to process.
Legit concern ; sincerity is key. Again, like Ss, relationships are essential to feedback https://t.co/T4Qas3m2po
I agree, but sometimes Ts see this (& they use it too) & worry you aren’t being sincere. https://t.co/BdCb33Q09Z
I’ve learned that Ts are not too different than Ss - “oreo” works well - sandwich a “grow" w/ 2 “glows" https://t.co/qfseXwnkDJ
I struggle with difficult conversations with the Ts I coach - most were (are) my peers. I want to maintain that peer relationship.
Yes, like Ben said, "They're stuck.." I wonder what qualities about personal relationships we might carry over
very true. But it still isn't always easy, even when it's needed :)
Definitely a situation I don’t like being in - when I can’t even get a word in bc other is so loud. https://t.co/z1H6sTQrlv
A1: Conversations with Ts who have very loud, very strong opinions. I get defensive - take everything personally.
those are definitely hard. those ones that come from left field
Working on that. Hoping to start to take things less personally in decade #4 (which started in July).
Agreed. Thankfully, apathy in our district is a rare thing. We have a rad crew!
I understand that I take it ok, sometimes it's just hard to give it.
You hit the nail on the head.
So true, I wonder if there are some things that we could carry over to work convo
A2 I worry I will hurt others feelings
Conversations that are one-sided are difficult to navigate. Attitude can dictate how good or bad a conversation will turn out.
misperceptions and different perspectives are triggers too. Yes...So hard to approach.
A2: Fear of backlash or retaliation.
Wow! This is going to stick with me for a while. https://t.co/X2jgPwjqNp
A1: - I agree - don't tell me I am not giving my best -not doing the 'right thing' - then it is about integrity.
A2: I don’t want to alienate people or hurt anyones feelings. Some folk have a tendency to hold onto stuff. Can get in the way l8r
A2: Hesitations: Fear of saying something wrong, hurtful, or stupid. Lack of control. Time.
A1 - - we need a set of sentence stems and strategies for that time-the book has a few & the HC Unpacked book has more
This is where grounding the convo in data is key - becomes a team to work for Ss success https://t.co/c82JH0P0ax
I struggle with having conversations that might make someone else feel uncomfortable or risk hurting someone’s feelings.
Money!!! Yes! That is another one!! https://t.co/7gBvTgIJUs
I’ve found 3 topics never to talk about: politics, religion, & your paycheck.
It sure is. We put so much of our hearts into our Ts and Ss. Hard to disengage.
I started by suggesting scaffolding; when she didn't take the bait, I left her to plan. She didn't, I cancelled.
so unfair. And my husband is the total opposite. Always has the best things to say in the moment.
A2: Thoughts of diminished relationships or strained friendships can make hard conversations difficult to have. Gotta stay strong
Having hard convos, when the topic seems so obvious...and T still doesn't see it...that's a challenge
A2: For me the hardest part is waiting for the appropriate time. I often find the best way to solve a problem is to talk about it
A2: (Pt 2) Also, hesitate when there are political ramifications…going up the chain of command, as it were.
Doing curriculum pilots has helped me.I have data to back it up.Be as noisy as u want-we go by the #'s. helpful.
A2: - we need to practice 'clean, emotional digestion' so we don't hold onto things and to teach our colleagues too.
There’s always a time for everything. Picking that time is the hard part.
Sincerity- most def! Also agree that our relationships w/ Ss & Ts do not often differ much
A2: Fearing the convo won't change anything because other person is too closed off.
A2 I really have a hard time with confrontation and will avoid it if at all possible.
Did it change things? I usually have to ask myself, “If I confront, will things change?”
I would say yes. I am much more patient with difficult colleagues then with friends and family
Yes, very bold! You're inspiring me... I need to have some of these convos w a few Ts.
Props on the really honest, open self-reflection! https://t.co/Rm2wbJMGeH
A1: Conversations with Ts who have very loud, very strong opinions. I get defensive - take everything personally.
A2: - then you need to ask yourself, "Do I need to say something no matter the outcome?"
A2: 1 of the biggest hesitation from having hard convos is not knowing if I’ve given self & other(s) enough time to calm down 1st.
I usually just shut down in that situation.
me too. this is something I am working on!!
Sounds good. :-) Now I need to learn what that means. ;-) …If only there was someone I could ask...
Interesting, what might be some reasons the patience manifests itself in those situations
A2: Often whether I am invested enough to have the hard conversation or not. Really deciding on if I want it or not.
This reminds me of saying from parents, “Easy way isn’t the way you grow.”
A2: - I just keep reminding myself that the competing commitment of me being liked gets in the way of stud. ach.
Staring blankly....ugh? Sometimes the brain goes blank too.
A2- Fear of conflict can deter us from "hard" conversations.
A2- Fear of conflict can deter us from "hard" conversations.
yeah, I'm the one who is like "doh! I wish I had thought of that earlier!" not a knee-jerk reaction, but a better response!
So hard! And we shouldn’t have to.
me too. sometimes i don't put enough time and space between the hard part and the conversation
A2 Fear of being misunderstood.
Still undetermined. It's actually being escalated up the ladder - I'm not the only TOSA struggling w her.
https://t.co/6nXYQIowzo
Did it change things? I usually have to ask myself, “If I confront, will things change?”
Timing is everything! I think you can say anything if fine in kindness and respect. https://t.co/m74BIqbDAu
A2: For me the hardest part is waiting for the appropriate time. I often find the best way to solve a problem is to talk about it
yep. hardest part. I have a hard convo that needs to happen. trying to work out the details.
that’s awesome. Maybe I need to go places armed with data from now on.
Me too. I try to say I need a break, take the time to cool off, but sometimes can’t even say that. :(
True! Surprised at myself the 1 time I spoke up this yr. Became important when false statements being made
A2) Make sure I don't lose business down the road, not ready today doesn't mean they won't be ready tomorrow. It's relationships!
yes. How do we make our intentions and our words match?
Yes! Especially with my more veteran staff this is true https://t.co/TlrtQkqCZe
A2: Fearing the convo won't change anything because other person is too closed off.
i'm all about the data! can't argue with numbers. lol!
Relationships are key. Q: What’s the place for professional relationships and personal relationships? Influence w/ hard convos?
I always thought the waiting is the hardest part. Sorry. Tom Petty reference.
I so hate when that happens...like an Admin or P asks that kind of Q
A2: I like keeping the peace instead of rocking the boat
true how one bad shot can effect your future with a T or Ts.
A2: I know a big hesitation is wondering if a good outcome is possible. I know that’s crippling.
RIGHT!? Clearly I have showed that I need this too on Voxer lately. Then there is the have I waited too long thing
A2: - not always a bad idea - depends on if kids' lives depend on it. Do you want to keep quiet and it is okay or not?
I feel like you are in my brain tonight. Also, did you make all your answers ahead of time? Clever!
A2: Afraid of crossing the line btwn sounding like a whiner and taking on some leadership
It's like when family fights over $, makes me wonder
A2: Thinking maybe I'm wrong or that I'll be misunderstood
you seem like the kind of guy who would let things roll off your back. honestly it’s nice to hear you say this :)
A2: worry about being misunderstood-I want to ensure clarity and potential in difficult convos-not raise defenses
sometimes I need to remind myself to give the situation some time and perspective before engaging
It's hard to keep cool to even say that sometimes! Hard convos bring out lots of emotions. https://t.co/duBJsujd9D
Me too. I try to say I need a break, take the time to cool off, but sometimes can’t even say that. :(
Thanks to my parents. Growth comes when we’re out of our comfort zones.
A2: Veteran T's often are the hardest to convince of new ideas & their value. Also new T's who feel they have it all figured out
Question: Do you seek being liked or seek to be respected? Similar to being T vs. friend? https://t.co/MAe9duLJU6
A2: - I just keep reminding myself that the competing commitment of me being liked gets in the way of stud. ach.
. A2: Diplomacy…it’s tricky. Want to provide guidance w/o being condescending.
Wow, I really should have taken part in tonight. The topic is SO my jam!
Sounds like she’s having lots of hard conversations, then!
great poin!put that in your mirror to read each day! https://t.co/6o6buZd6QX
A2: - I just keep reminding myself that the competing commitment of me being liked gets in the way of stud. ach.
Exactly! Time and space seem to help a lot. Sleep on it and then see where you are. https://t.co/nsNmRt5Us5
sometimes I need to remind myself to give the situation some time and perspective before engaging
I give off that vibe, but I hate making people upset. I am a people pleaser on the inside.
A2: - you have never met anyone more than me who needs to manage her impulsiivity - that is why I wrote the book
i battle this a lot esp with certain people. need to work on clarity i think.
My last principal was a master at this. She even dealt bad news well. I want to learn that skill!
https://t.co/MdnUOFbzxC
Timing is everything! I think you can say anything if fine in kindness and respect. https://t.co/m74BIqbDAu
A2: For me the hardest part is waiting for the appropriate time. I often find the best way to solve a problem is to talk about it
A2: I worry about having the hard conversations will break the trust and rapport I have built alienating me from being useful.
A2: Another hesitation is setting. I don’t want to have a hard convo w others around. Hope for 1 on 1 but setting not always there
Idem. But having that fear in mind helps me to frame the convo & focus on certain things - not others https://t.co/wJDLS0HWVl
Yes! Especially with my more veteran staff this is true https://t.co/TlrtQkqCZe
A2: Fearing the convo won't change anything because other person is too closed off.
yes and it is so hard if they crumble. and hard to build back up too
A2: I hate conflict, I'm a pleaser, I'm positive, and do not like negativity or drama
yes and that is a fine line
Agreed. Sometimes it needs to be said so I can move on. Sometimes, I can let it go.
As am I. I think many of us would say the same. Servant leadership, right?
😕yes. Have to keep in mind that when it affects so may ppl, eventually it affects the kids.
Great question! Go for respect every time! https://t.co/pPllHKcsiK
Question: Do you seek being liked or seek to be respected? Similar to being T vs. friend? https://t.co/MAe9duLJU6
A2: - I just keep reminding myself that the competing commitment of me being liked gets in the way of stud. ach.
that's an answer I'd love to know!
It's important to leverage the thinkers & make sure T's don't intimidate eachother from doing something different.
DITTO Jeremiah! https://t.co/9YMfRb3Dk0
A2: I hate conflict, I'm a pleaser, I'm positive, and do not like negativity or drama
It makes a HUGE difference - lets you approach a concern as a team; not judge https://t.co/QmQWwM8uvj
that’s awesome. Maybe I need to go places armed with data from now on.
A2: Damaging relationships, diminishing trust, losing confidence... or just a stomach ache :)
yes for sure. I just have a good game face as I am sure you do too
A2. The closed door culture in many schools makes teaching and learning a black box - makes it difficult to have authentic convos
and now it's playing in my head...
A2: I hesitate when a T hasn't solicited the conversation/advice. But when stud lrng is at stake, I don't want to ignore. Inroads?
I need to put this on a sticky note next to my bed for those occasions https://t.co/dpFxgK67IX
Exactly! Time and space seem to help a lot. Sleep on it and then see where you are. https://t.co/nsNmRt5Us5
sometimes I need to remind myself to give the situation some time and perspective before engaging
When my kidlets would work my last nerve I would take a "3min time out" I trained them to draw or write
Our Voxer grp is def safe place for that. Josh, I am super for your support & passion.
A2: - deprivatizing practice is a long term goal - it'll take a long time and it is worth it
I find this esp hard when as TOSAs/coaches we're not nec the "instructional ldrs" (vs. admin).
So true, Joe! I do so much better 1 on 1 than with others around.
I am the same way. Sometimes people just need to be heard, then redirected.
Good Point. Definitely a consideration... sometimes it is hard to believe that change will happen https://t.co/b4KA4727FR
Did it change things? I usually have to ask myself, “If I confront, will things change?”
Just say, "We were on a break!"
Topic tonight is hitting home as I have struggled with a conversation from last week that I need to address tomorrow. good support
Great point - being empathetic to your audience, and so framing the convo to not put people on defense https://t.co/Y9UUXuX9LO
A2: worry about being misunderstood-I want to ensure clarity and potential in difficult convos-not raise defenses
Good to know that we all struggle!! https://t.co/rwwbNvtmWz
A2: - you have never met anyone more than me who needs to manage her impulsiivity - that is why I wrote the book
A3: Time for reflection and council
- hmmm... this is something to unpack - not being the 'instr. leaders' more about this off line?
if i were particularly evil I'd tag the hubs. he'd have it in his head for DAYS...
A3: Knowing that being on the other side of the conflict will feel better than wallowing in it forever.
We definitely all need that. Those brain breaks help me.
Yes!! We must develop Systems of Reflective Practice where transparent conversation is embraced. https://t.co/C6oqNAi2zG
A2. The closed door culture in many schools makes teaching and learning a black box - makes it difficult to have authentic convos
Yes, that's the best way to diffuse a situation, but doesn't help my fear of hard conversations
A3: I tend to push past hesitancy when I think it has to be said & no one else will, OR when I just cannot stand by & let “it” go
In fact, getting up & getting blood flowing is key for me.
Also hard bc some Ts just have innate leadership skills that can be either a great asset or a huge pain!
https://t.co/SwHrjzR3Zk
I find this esp hard when as TOSAs/coaches we're not nec the "instructional ldrs" (vs. admin).
A3 If someone is getting hurt or there is a possibility of someone getting hurt.
A2: I want to make sure that my comments are as helpful as possible &don’t make T feel bad @ all the great work they do!
A3: That gut wrenching feeling inside that problems just dont go away helps me speak up
It really freaks me out. The fear that everyone will gang up on me. Aaaahhhhhh :(
A3: Time.
Time to process, prepare, focus on main objectives, focus on SEL & EQ qualities have helped push past hesitations.
Awesome , thanks! I'll look for it!
A3: Working as a team...and always knowing I am an advocates for Ss.
ALWAYS the bottom line: "What’s best for kids?” It’s seldom aligned w/ “what’s easiest”, yet always defensible.
yes for sure!! I always wonder if my perspective matches those listening
Seems like it’s pretty sure that I haven’t? Googling now…
Ahhhhh right?? It's scary =(
A3: My mentor shared the benefits, after reflecting, I agree. So the difficulties no longer outweigh the positives
. As the kids tweet: same, tbh.
A3) Strength in numbers. Finding others to help share their insights.
A3:I push past when I feel cnvo required immediately to put out a potential fire
glad that this is helpful!! nice to walk away from a chat feeling better
A3: I think actually doing the Wonder Woman pose (aka Amy Cuddy's work - check her out) will help move past hesitation-2 min pose
agreed. I have a hard convo coming. This is super helpful.
A1 Conversations stemming from pity
A3: I like working & growing w/people. Every convo can be an opportunity for both!
Agree-Waiting for perfect moments can paralyze us! https://t.co/rxjKarpZo8
A2: Another hesitation is setting. I don’t want to have a hard convo w others around. Hope for 1 on 1 but setting not always there
relationship building takes a lot of time & u don't want to loose it.Hopefully they will respect u more in the end.
Not in response to a specific Q, but I struggle with Ts targeting me or ranting at me about a product nothing to do w/me.
I'm the opposite, I don't mind those conflict or negativity, but that puts me on alert to not rush in too
It always comes back to whats best for S's.
A3: - beautifully said Ann. Give her an admin position!
Hee hee hee =) Or "Frankie Says Relax"
A3:Very real & recent reason:Speaking w crew has helped push past hesitations!
Yeah, I feel you…no easy answers.
If only this tactic worked with grown-ups! 😆 https://t.co/IZgV5kiezJ
When my kidlets would work my last nerve I would take a "3min time out" I trained them to draw or write
Yup, it just doesn't go away. Sloooooow linger. Time to face it. That's when I know I can't hide.
yes! I had a hard convo last week and it helped relieve some stress.
Welcome Diane. Didn’t see when you jumped in.
Sometimes have to talk and reflect with a trusted colleague to validate &/or revise perspective; then re-engage
Yep--I prefer 2have crucial convo after time to process the situation Make sure I'm not acting on emotion https://t.co/r1WGYUC54c
A3: Time.
Time to process, prepare, focus on main objectives, focus on SEL & EQ qualities have helped push past hesitations.
A3: Knowing that students benefit from my difficult conversations provides the strength to have them. https://t.co/lzz35vMTm8
I sometimes rush in because of this, but I am learning to be more patient. I guess that comes with age
heather you love to lurk & learn! jump in anytime!
A3. I remind myself of a mantra I had as a MS Sci teacher: It's not about being liked, it's about supporting their learning...
haha! Yes! I learned from the best...I learned from YOU
A3: I like to imagine my own children in that Ts class. Ss are all someone's child and you want their classrooms to hold magic.
A3: - Love me some Bruce Lee inspiration.
It is very admirable to be able to do that!
Yeah, but people like us can sometime be crap disturbers when diplomacy is the better course.
A3: Knowing that what I can say can help them to look at themselves and grow. To be the best T they can be.
this is what helps me jump in. Sometimes you just have to rip off the bandaid
I guess I stand on that too. I always put my love and care for the Ss as top priority. Maybe resent when Ts don't.
Excellent point! It's all about asking the right questions and listening carefully. https://t.co/JuPlGZMaTe
I'm the opposite, I don't mind those conflict or negativity, but that puts me on alert to not rush in too
it really does and that is hard to argue against!
Me too. Glad to see Bruce Lee’s influence on tonight
a3 when my actions come into conflict with my principles
A3: When Ss are being negatively impacted.
YES! this came up today in a convo that addresses another convo I need to have & bring Ts in as support!
Oh, you don't have the power to fix networks, YouTube, Google plus and rewrite FERPA? So what's the point of coaches?
Yes!! There is no growth without dissonance: if happy with what they are doing, why would they change? W/o change; no growth
A3: I have a sign in my office that isn't a "Don't Disturb" it is a sign that says, "Disturb" -
A3: GG! the greater good of equity and access to education push me to deal with difficult convos, individual Ss matter greatly!
That moment, as I'm thinking "somebody should, when I realize I'm SOMEBODY!
yes! Also known as Parkinson's Law.
. A3: Knowing an exchange of ideas is happening, even if it’s just a start. I’m still learning, too.
which is why I have Wonder Woman all over my office! great reminder.
A3: Ss deserve more than one mindset of thinking and I need to help the Ts see there are other options for the sake of those Ss
I get this with the crew all the time. Very thankful for them. https://t.co/LHqx6vdDAF
Sometimes have to talk and reflect with a trusted colleague to validate &/or revise perspective; then re-engage
oh friend...I'm sorry. Hope it goes well tomorrow.
A3: ’s post re finding tribe has truly helped me push past hesitation. Reaching out to tribe. https://t.co/apoxDFA9m7
A3: ’s post re finding tribe has truly helped me push past hesitation. Reaching out to tribe. https://t.co/y8iiatNC8L
Resistance is a symptom to the problem, not the problem itself.
A3: When resolution will positively impact Ss and Ts - have to dig deep and try to open lines of communication
Amazing perspective! Thanks for sharing this! https://t.co/jnopluxQfr
A3: I like working & growing w/people. Every convo can be an opportunity for both!
A3: The hope for resolution is often what pushes me. I can cut people off completely- but it doesn't always help.
A3: - You are always somebody - don't think w/o an admin title you still aren't somebody - you ARE IT.
I think we have a karaoke song!! "I'll be there for yoooou!!"
Yeah, it's like preparing for a mental battle...so true
Gah, yes! And that gnawing in the gut...
YES!! I think this IS our Theme song! https://t.co/bgbSN7pkPq
I think we have a karaoke song!! "I'll be there for yoooou!!"
it's always the tech persons fault right?
exactly...or the SIS or LMS "should" "just do it this way" -- yeah, I'll get right on that. - ___ -
lol-Yep! Been there! today in fact!
This drive will carry you through! Be strong enough to ask why and provide guidance. Best of luck! https://t.co/Eg4u1Xd0Qh
Topic tonight is hitting home as I have struggled with a conversation from last week that I need to address tomorrow. good support
Yes, I need to do the same. We all need to have sounding boards.
Just have to reiterate - is an AMAZING !!!
honestly sometimes it's more about how I feel then they feel :0
THIS is it!
Do everything with the Ss in mind.
THAT is the main objective.
https://t.co/7MnjIYIUTL
A3: When resolution will positively impact Ss and Ts - have to dig deep and try to open lines of communication
A3 Knowing that the result of the conversation will cause positive growth.
Been there. I think part of it comes from the role of coach not being clearly defined in my district. Yet.
Yes! This is a very important piece for me. Glad to have good sounding boards.
Same. And often what's bothering me isn't on their radar at all.
A3: - OR we will be on the way - maybe not this conversation but it is a part of the path of conv. to growth.
I can hear that voice in my head right now. :)
usu bullet out my ideas before
so true. thats why I have learned about putting time and space between and reading that person more
So important, Barbara, conversation has to be framed delicately. Hard to not raise defenses. https://t.co/h4NQ5naXcZ
A2: worry about being misunderstood-I want to ensure clarity and potential in difficult convos-not raise defenses
Josh your response in Voxer was perfect...it was from a place of care & friendship and legitimate concern.
A3: I am open to conversation & can be very flexible in meeting demands- but I want to be met in the middle. Its not a one way St
A4: I gather evidence, & rehearse the convo. I try to anticipate issue/concerns and develop responses for them.
Definitely makes it difficult!!! So hard to live in a world of not admin, not T colleague https://t.co/9snGFiP3pM
Been there. I think part of it comes from the role of coach not being clearly defined in my district. Yet.
a4 also tell myself to wait for the right time
A4: i try to start w/ a q to get the other person thinking.
A4 I talk it out with others who aren't close to the situation. Those that have an objective view.
This...this right here....<sigh> "Well let me show you how to make a feature request...again.
It was just what I needed!
"Time and Space." A mantra to add to the wall.
A4) Look for small victories, maybe this convo is only going to set the groundwork for the next one.
A4: and if a qt doesn't work and they 'don't get it' you might need to use a declarative sentence with a period.
Bwahahaha! Love/loathe knowing we all have the same problems
That’s what our crew is for! https://t.co/AC93AYppkE
A4 I talk it out with others who aren't close to the situation. Those that have an objective view.
I think that is a BIG problem in many districts. It was for me.
A4: Going over the main objective of the upcoming hard conversation always helps. Try to see past small stuff.
Yes!! We all need someone to help us! I seek out other opinions too
my role isn't really TOSA, rather Dir. of Learning, Innovation and Design; but similar idea
A4: It always helps me to write things down first. That, and reason through it w someone I trust.
Confrontation nurtures growth, right?!
that's a great perspective to take!
A little time, space and reflection does wonders sometimes!
- beautiful way of seeing the 'victory' in a bigger context. It's the way to feel you move forward.
A4: I prepare by getting down and isolating the real problem, asking for advice, and then working out a proper approach
That was EXACTLY what I was referring to!
This is so helpful! But it also has to be someone that 'gets' our job. Love the crew!!
Good strategy, https://t.co/UOruvKrsnN
A4: It always helps me to write things down first. That, and reason through it w someone I trust.
A4: Try to let go of expectations. Be clear on my message and what I need to communicate.
Very true.
Even more powerful when we can keep this in mind during hard conversations. https://t.co/EFpVFi1t9s
Resistance is a symptom to the problem, not the problem itself.
a4 even just the idea that i have the right to address the issue brought me confidence to not keep it bottled up
Passion to do what is relevant. Most of us have children ourselves and know we would want for our own
Yes! Ss as *humans* comes first. When Ts don't embrace the relationships w Ss I'm bothered.
a4 I start with a Q and truly listen to the answer putting aside any bias I have going in. Then stick to the issue, not the person
Why is this one so hard to remember sometimes?! Hindsight is always 50/50.
or, y'know, filing a tech ticket (we have a great system) instead of phone call, email, interrupt lunch
A4: reading, listening, thinking, time...practicing in my head, talking it out with teammates.
Yes I do-never know if I might try out being a TOSA again. Good to keep my foot in the water
A4: You can only be clear and on "your side of the net" and be humane and thoughtful. That's it.
YES! If I worked for Google I probably wouldn't be here...lol!
A4: In preparation for hard conversations, I like to prepare my facts and be ready to address any counterargument.
And no one can take that right away from you. Be courageous to always speak your mind. https://t.co/fNPxR3DfSM
a4 even just the idea that i have the right to address the issue brought me confidence to not keep it bottled up
Anticipate consequence Sometime tough convo is an ounce of prevention, save T and others later regret! https://t.co/YsjbZoJuZW
A3:I push past when I feel cnvo required immediately to put out a potential fire
Love your YET, Growth Mindset! Always Forward! https://t.co/2LpHsXm18j
Been there. I think part of it comes from the role of coach not being clearly defined in my district. Yet.
I also find it helpful to rehearse either verbally or in writing
Agree!! Breaking down those barriers & building trust, allowing for vulnerability that is the challenge https://t.co/jyXGhTWAfq
Yes!! We must develop Systems of Reflective Practice where transparent conversation is embraced. https://t.co/C6oqNAi2zG
A2. The closed door culture in many schools makes teaching and learning a black box - makes it difficult to have authentic convos
Exactly. My wandering mind comes up w/ pretty silly convos sometimes though! Makes me laugh which helps https://t.co/SIoAgDfEoL
A4: I gather evidence, & rehearse the convo. I try to anticipate issue/concerns and develop responses for them.
you don't have to be a tosa to hang with us! You're always welcome!
It’s tough too, when you know you blew it in a conversation and you realize it later. Having to go back, apologize, and clarify.
A4: Really, keeping in mind the purpose of the convo, start w/desired outcome and think of Qs that will lead there
YES! Sometimes I get so worked up then 24 hours later it's no longer such a big deal.
We used to live in an era when comfort meant knowing. Our current era demands that we be comfortable with growing.
Sounds like an awesome role. I work the “I’m an integrationist,” into convos and I still get, “my iPad won’t…”
True that. It's the bump's in the road that help define who we really are. https://t.co/YW5YbVVrtQ
Confrontation nurtures growth, right?!
A4: Meditation & mindfulness exercises helps me prepare for upcoming HC.
A4: Information is key when we have to have those conversations. A preponderance of data is often an airbag in a potential crash
it always runs through my mind for days after
A2- Confronting people in power - a hurdle hard to jump
Look at you, the poet. i would copywrite that one.
a4 reminding myself that sometimes people can't wear their human hat and are wearing their professional hat
Yeeesssss! Maybe next time we'll be more likely to take a deep breath...
A4: I go over & over what my goals for convo are What do I hope for the other person to get out of convo?
Important to remember that hard conversations can only be successful when we're excellent listeners first https://t.co/JwyiT1wUh3
Exactly! By the time I'm having a hard conversation w/ you, I've had it at least 3 times already w/ an imaginary you.
I think that is a good way to frame it!
That is very true for me too. Real or perceived power.
A4 Honesty + Empathy = At worst a great effort at communication
True! We have to be comfortable being uncomfortable! https://t.co/hWu1AWelpf
We used to live in an era when comfort meant knowing. Our current era demands that we be comfortable with growing.
Still wordsmithing… but it’s getting closer! :) https://t.co/K1MYu8fylY
Look at you, the poet. i would copywrite that one.
I am now wiping tea off my monitor, thanks (;
A4: I consider possible outcomes and try to visualize the end. I prep myself for the worst, most of the time.
Ooooh yes, counterargument-- good call!
i had a t interrupt my class more than once to YELL at me abt tech not working...
if I have answered a question 3 times, I make a video.
Love this! Coaches need to remember to listen with the purpose of hearing, not just to respond. https://t.co/LqkPAzLXN0
Important to remember that hard conversations can only be successful when we're excellent listeners first https://t.co/JwyiT1wUh3
okay, and a glass of wine too ;)
Oh, that’s so good. SO good. I need to remember that when silence feels better than repercussions of words.
A5: I start w/desired outcome, then think about what Qs bring to light the point of convo. then think how to say it bluntly
Do hard conversations always equal argument or conflict?
Do hard conversations always equal argument or conflict?
A4b: I talk thru w/ peers and husband to make sure I'm not out of line. helpful
that includes imaginary answerings
yes & sometimes that's the tipping point!
Loved this the last time you said it. Love it again! So true! https://t.co/jdcFL5TDjf
We used to live in an era when comfort meant knowing. Our current era demands that we be comfortable with growing.
This worked for me in college (with my exams). https://t.co/TGFhfTvVJw
A4: I consider possible outcomes and try to visualize the end. I prep myself for the worst, most of the time.
I try to do the same; but I have to watch over-preparing which can lead to defensiveness https://t.co/cwMR76t0fx
A4: In preparation for hard conversations, I like to prepare my facts and be ready to address any counterargument.
A4: I practice! Anticipate reactions. And... lots of deep breaths!
Today's word of the day is Professionalism, boys and girls. Can you say "professionalism?
I’m a YET kind of gal. I wonder if it’s b/c my family jokes that I dated a Yeti in college. Probably not.
A4: Consider other perspectives, values, before convo prepare to stand firm and learn from conversation-or it is just a lecture
Usually not even close, awkwardness, emotions, and bruised egos, or, surprisingly, thanks and gratitude
I got it from the seminar I did on having Hard Conversations w this amazing author it was AMAZING!
. I think it's also crucial to listen, to let other(s) talk. Asking questions also helps alleviate tension.
I couldn't believe it. she was quite rude to many people. I hope it's improved at the site.
I have a work spouse that listens and understands
when I taught in a lab, I had a T walk past all the Ss and right up to me with laptop...
A4: Do not presume anyone knows what professionalism means - it is different for all
Got to keep getting oxygen to our brains. Meditation, mindfulness exercises.
YES! I ask "Am I being too emotional here?" Sometimes it's hard to tell when we are so close to the issue. https://t.co/1RBlrelquL
A4b: I talk thru w/ peers and husband to make sure I'm not out of line. helpful
Can I be a part of if I am just a TOSA at heart? They seem like they have tons of fun!
Yes, which are not always reliable…but I am need-to-feel-prepared sort of guy
LOL I have lived this example a few times this year
while I was teaching!!!! (She had a PowerPoint question.)
- I am not a TOSA either - join in!
that sounds like a Monty Python skit! Totally hoping to see that one ;)
yes. I often have to get advice before engaging to make sure I am not out of the ball park
T's love seeing me have tech issues. Makes them feel better. I like they see me roll w/it.
I wonder if this is borderline (;
I think this is so impt. We need to be able to own it when we blow it. And revisit, approach again.
exactly! I need to have a convo abt YouTube & hubs suggested getting ts together so IT can't deny it. he's so smart!
A5: A big change is to know that my goal may be secondary compared to supervisor’s bc of being a part of team.
A5: When I need to do this w/ superiors, I make sure to pose ideas more as questions & make “II statements, not “we” or “everyone"
q5 depends on the supervisor
This is good advice for all.
A5: I always am really clear about what I want to see instead w/a sup. Never expect them to solve it - have ideas ahead of time.
OMG, I actually do deep breathing exercises to calm down sometimes!!! totally helps!
Having a framework helps. I worked for Wt Watchers & we used this to help mbrs figure it out themselves. https://t.co/ZEXuTROzXQ
PPT sounds like the first problem. Let me have a Student introduce you to Google Slides.
A3 - when my values win over my hesitations
A5: I find myself listening more to listen, than to respond. Usually it's about growth, for 1 another
Join in anytime. is a great place for all educators. https://t.co/tf54spOHWv
Can I be a part of if I am just a TOSA at heart? They seem like they have tons of fun!
Makes total sense based on our workplace conflicts. But yelling at another T in font of Ss isn't in any1's def'n
A5: Honestly I think we should approach every conversation like we would with a supervisor. It helps keep u calm and professional
A5: Then make sure you offer them as suggestions unless things are really bad-always leave them to fix the problem w/o shame
OMG! YES! and i actually laughed out loud.
Jyoung1219: A4: Meditation & mindfulness exercises helps me prepare for upcoming HC. jenniferabrams cogswell_ben KarlyMoura kmart…
Nope. Expected the worst last time I had crucial convo-- turned out fine! Person heard me & agreed
Jyoung1219: rachelmarker Got to keep getting oxygen to our brains. Meditation, mindfulness exercises. ,https://t.co/SutWPOmgan
"we fogged his Yeti . . . " always
we are really just educators at heart is for everyone!
I had a similar answer. Don't just complain, provide possible alternatives.
awesome suggestion! i need shorter videos to support qs too.
- I totally agree and didn't know the context - apologize - you are right on this one
I love the line, "We're friends, can I just say this..." sort of wrapped in love
a5: try to be as professional as possible. W/ supervisor I will acquiesce for the good of the team or school. I'll sacrifice
Preemptive strikes are a good plan, Dave :) https://t.co/pLhqEnU8g6
A4: In preparation for hard conversations, I like to prepare my facts and be ready to address any counterargument.
A5 People r people. I make no concessions based on title. If I'm honest & spk w brevity then an honest conversation has tkn place
A5: I listen and don't react. End convo with thank you
Wait - Friends, or Office Space???
omg you're kind on a roll Jody...
Good point. Supervisors usually know the big picture when we don't. https://t.co/fFkiSPHKTQ
A5: A big change is to know that my goal may be secondary compared to supervisor’s bc of being a part of team.
You’re either still in problem or working on the solution. Let’s work towards being in solution.
love that she is trying stuff though so I don't get grumpy about it.
Great advice. Thanks https://t.co/BEMAXVTuUh
A5: I always am really clear about what I want to see instead w/a sup. Never expect them to solve it - have ideas ahead of time.
No apology needed whatsoever! It was a good reminder! I tell people the same about “common sense.” You’re on point
ABSOLUTELY!!! Aren't we all just Teachers on a Special Assignment? In or out of the classroom! https://t.co/m92929SITC
Can I be a part of if I am just a TOSA at heart? They seem like they have tons of fun!
. I don't think it always has to be conflict. Many people I admire put it in perspective of helping the students. Our goals
A5: Same as convos with Ts, we must remember that supervisors have their own knowledge, perspective and experience to be respected
YES! You know what’s so funny about that? The “yeti” in question was named Dan.
A5b: My favorite line..."can you help me understand..."
great point! We have a new admin who constantly interrupts informal meetings.
Is this when you are on the receiving end? or the person initiating?
- so Gen X! That is a whole other part to this work - being generationally savvy in hard conv.
A5: toughest yet, I try to listen, pose questions that bring it back to Ss.
I've had this experience too... https://t.co/K7PDRnyBYu
I have a friend that comes and says can I watch your class while you go to mine and fix...
YES! Be in position of wanting to understanding - seeking clarity. https://t.co/xKMFxYkzYM
A5b: My favorite line..."can you help me understand..."
You're so awesome Amanda!
Kelly, I've been meaning to message you, I'm rocking a sweet, new sticker on my laptop! THANKS for the mailbox love!
Very true! I have learned that in last couple yes coaching
A5: Luckily my admins r amazing & very approachable. Difficult conversations r easy. We all have the same end goal so that helps
Just want to put out before we are done - please message me if you want to work on a HC in a deeper way - I am happy to do so!
There’s a great one in SuperBetter by It’s helped me!
did you meet him at a regatta gala?
yep. I may have the hard convo with him. At least regarding him interrupting my meetings.
Listen to understand and not just to respond. https://t.co/f5HTcpxLWQ
A5: toughest yet, I try to listen, pose questions that bring it back to Ss.
A5: Make Teacher, Student, and Admin convos person to person...should vary by needs, not role IMHO
Love that book. Saw her speak @ a conference. Amazing!
absolutely! that's what our guest mods get!
LOL, feel free to use graphic to open convo. or model for him 1st
You better!! The more passionate Ts the merrier!
. A5: Ask questions to clarify the issue? Thankfully, I don't have much experience with this.
Hee hee! LOVE it! We will get you to jump in one day. I bet our chat will get you in! ;)
Love that you are all asking questions & sometimes you need to make statements. I don't agree with you. I think that isn't right.
Very fortunate too. It's great to be able to thrive bcause you play for the right team!
a5: a convo with a supervisor is almost like an anderson writing conversation -- research, decide, compliment, teach
Having shared vision/goal/objective is really a huge part of process!
yes love solutions over problems! We can save the world with this attitude
Very important to be forward thinking when heading into hard conversation.
yes love solutions over problems! We can save the world with this attitude https://t.co/sxUnL9iA8r https://t.co/JSi2gnmkRI
It’s a shame that we spend the best years of our lives rotting under the florescent lights of a school building
I've been reading that as Super Betty and wondering who it was!???! OOPS!
YESSS. https://t.co/xeQ3nmq3lk
A5 People r people. I make no concessions based on title. If I'm honest & spk w brevity then an honest conversation has tkn place
So true. Having tech goals for each site has really helped us guide what we are doing this year.
. previous supervisor used to say, "You can always come to me with a problem-just have 2 possible solutions."
great convo. Thank you for letting me barge in.
agree to disagree can be a great solution!!
How were those goals created? How do you support them?
A5 having what is good Ts and Ss as part of the solution
again?!!!!! You are on a ROLL!!
A6: Stay away from the you and step into the I
Join us anytime. Mondays @ 8pm PST AND everyday w the hashtag. Continue to convo on too
hah, yeah. They must learn that in school. You can solve a lot of problems if you come prepared w solutions.
A6: Watch your pronouns - using a lot of "I" or "You" ends up giving it a power dynamic you may not want.
you're very lucky! Some admin r very focused on their own advancement not what's best for Ss. frustrating.
a6 - i noticed, i wonder, i learned, next time
A6: I always rephrase the other person’s message. What I hear you say is …
Awesome video. Need Ts to see it. Thank you.
A6: Be soft, use plural forms, open ended, and us approachable voice. Must not come across as accusatory
Glad to have you anytime!
A6 "I statements" help to keep the other person from feeling blamed.
A6: Use sincere, compassionate language, but don’t say things you don't mean simply to pacify the recipient of the message.
We're any of you ever BTSA coaches? I still have my box-there were some good questioning stems for hard convos in there.
i'm wondering, what is the goal, what is the purpose, bring the focus to Ss needs
A6: Advice: Listen more than you speak. If we were meant to speak more, we’d be born with 2 mouths & 1 ear.
This is exactly the way I always share in my TOSA mtgs. Prefer pronoun - WE. https://t.co/OmPaX3GVux
A6: Watch your pronouns - using a lot of "I" or "You" ends up giving it a power dynamic you may not want.
A6 Sarcasm is never an option in these types of situations, but if its a party, well you know!
- Jim Knight & i disagree all the time about the role of coach but he is so thoughtful about it, it's a good thing.
I don't disagree, but some don't see a diff btwn "dwelling" on problem & properly ID'ing the problem.
Well, maybe after reading the book, Elizabeth became known as Super Betty ;) https://t.co/gEnGDHf1TS
I've been reading that as Super Betty and wondering who it was!???! OOPS!
Could it be the case that sarcasm is it's own party?
A6) keep dropping the Buzzwords: Blended learning, Student created, collaboration, Digital Citizenship, media literacy.
A6: My son would say, "I've heard it both ways; the right way and then yours." 😜
thanks for being here! You're always welcome. Every Monday at 8 pm PST
It helps that I'm only at 2 sites so I can stay on the same page as my admins & be in contact w/ my Ts frequently
Yes. I was thats when I got to see https://t.co/S9ALHBMVcE
We're any of you ever BTSA coaches? I still have my box-there were some good questioning stems for hard convos in there.
Oh snap, ^5 him for the awesome verbage
I might need to use that!
I *love* this song. Reminds me of camp. The lyrics version was definitely on our soundtrack one summer.
A6. Don't go into it with assumptions! Listen for understanding then respond in real time
A6: Gentle Tone and professional body language.
- that's my work - BTSA - and if it is educ. unsafe or emot. damaging for Ss I dropped the qt. stems and spoke up.
Yes! https://t.co/3DxhVMasQD
A6. Don't go into it with assumptions! Listen for understanding then respond in real time
I think we grow more from disagreement sometimes. Divergent points challenge our thinking and can push us forward
Don't say "everyone" or "we" unless you've done the polling. Speak for yourself when it's really just you https://t.co/c8mhAqe97Q
i have my binder. I'll have to check those out!
Woot, Joe! WE. We all know where that little "i" hides in TEAM. :) https://t.co/k6yvSa0MmZ
This is exactly the way I always share in my TOSA mtgs. Prefer pronoun - WE. https://t.co/OmPaX3GVux
A6: Watch your pronouns - using a lot of "I" or "You" ends up giving it a power dynamic you may not want.
Josh I always love how you push my thinking!
I like that a trainer told us once that conflict is a healthy thing, it makes us grow, like learning more in failure
Thanks!! what a great conversation!!! YES!!! :)
Had to use that w/ my son’s T. “Help me understand how not writing the date on a paper negates the work.” No pts
Must work to keep assumptions out of it. https://t.co/ywUQf0A3fd
A6. Don't go into it with assumptions! Listen for understanding then respond in real time
A6: Asking questions is always an effective tool. A sort of forced reflection.
hence the hard convos, right!? I keep coming back to the square Lego wheels too busy to improve image...
As we finish, if any are interested in what to do if you feel anxious or tearful, beyond the wonder woman pose to prep, message me
Yes. That was a great graphic this morning.
And lots of focus on the Ss &what evidence they show. Ss matter more than you or me. https://t.co/47QlMbSef2
A6: Stay away from the you and step into the I
my big laugh for the night!! Thanks!
yes take it back to the heart of teaching!!!
Agree! I think I statements are helpful if we are talking about our own feelings though.
Thanks. I'm glad it comes through that I'm not just being contrary.
mentioned you have tricks on this...I definitely want in on that!
A6: - always been my pet peeve - a 'fake' we when it wasn't accurate. Arrgh. It feels false when done 'falsely.'
Absolutely. Referencing Roland's graphic from voxer. :)
Thx a mil for offer Jennifer! I'm sure something will come up in future & I'll be searching you out for support!
Thankful to be part of this group checking out now.
do this. you won't regret it! I got to watch her model this IRL...awesome! https://t.co/zH18391C4z
As we finish, if any are interested in what to do if you feel anxious or tearful, beyond the wonder woman pose to prep, message me
A6: language is important, yet approach carries weight-go in trying to understand, ask questions. Avoid value-laden comments
totally agree Ben! if you listen to understand then you will grow even if u don't agree.
- send me a message - I don't share with just anyone. :) I followed you so you can.
Tonight’s has been incredible. Timely for me! Thank you for inspirational chat! I am super grateful for all you do
So glad you made it. Tonight’s with Jen was one not to have missed.
Agree sometime we rush in with the "right" answer when it is about asking the right question! https://t.co/VtqZjyumoZ
A6: Asking questions is always an effective tool. A sort of forced reflection.
you gave me the courage to have some hard convos and stand up for myself
me either Josh..I learn a lot from you both & you challenge my thinking in the best ways!
RT:We used to live in an era when comfort meant knowing. Our current era demands we be comfortable with growing.
A6: Be direct and specific but gentle in tone and mannerisms. Empathy goes a long way.
I think of it as a verbal shield. Like hiding. Which isn’t okay IMO. But there’s prolly some fear there too.
be expecting a message from me!
Totally agree. There's a colleague I usually discuss ?s w/bcause he often disagrees- so important
Thought-provoking conversation tonight on one of my favorite topics! Thank you everyone!
- thanks for including me - we can talk Gen Savvy anytime or do another session with other qts conv. -thank you!
Darn it! I am so out of the loop w/ voxer! I am currently 1623 voxes behind =(
Such a perfect image, yes!
Awwww…you guys…stop it. :-D
Amazing tonight with Thanks for the inspiration everyone.
Amazing tonight with Thanks for the inspiration everyone.
I think the best growth comes from ppl that argue. Argue pts I have all great staff, but don't agree on all they do. I move on
That's a nice evening marathon...no problem (:
- I see you have done a great job of standing up for what you need - you inspire! More soon.
Will find and send it your way. I can't keep up either!
True! Still working on the brevity, but my Admin is patient & willing to get thru something tough 4 good https://t.co/y0VTwPLDBh
A5 People r people. I make no concessions based on title. If I'm honest & spk w brevity then an honest conversation has tkn place
Dude, that’s a lot. I thought I was behind! No bankruptcy for me!
