Hi everyone! I'm super happy to be here this morning. My name is Kimberley Moran and I'm the author of Hacking Parenthood. https://t.co/lneJ5G9qmM#HackLearning
I'm Connie Hamilton, co-author of Hacking Homework and Curriculum Director in Saranac, MI. Looking forward to hearing from #HackLearning author @kimberleygmoran about Parenthood.
A1 Developing a relationship with children is the single most important thing you can do. What do they love? What do they hate? What do they wish for? #HackLearning
A1. Attend their events, my 10 years old Teacher came to his football game. I attend events, talk to them, as questions, how are you today? #hacklearning
A1: Connect by listening! Be interested in their lives, let them know you care, facilitate a culture of community & empathy with grounding/check-in circles, include their V&C in decisions #HackLearning
A1: I find that when I'm willing to be vulnerable, it builds trust with kids. Admitting my flaws, apologizing, telling stories about my own screw ups. This matters. #HackLearning
A1: By learning their story and sharing your story! Listen to learn about where they come from, their background, culture, experiences, likes, dislikes. Use that knowledge to connect w/ them personally & through curriculum. #hacklearning
A1 Talk with them ... spend time ... I ride in a golf cart & watch ... boring & interesting at the same time ... only a mom, not a golfer #HackLearning
A1. In order to have a trusting relationship, you have to trust them. No matter their ages, show them trust and respect- you will get it in return. It’s finding that medium. #HackLearning
A1. BE REAL! Relationship are everything in HS. Show them your real self and they will do the same. what they tell you about and ask about it again later.
#HackLearning
A1. Kids love to be treated as individuals and with respect. They may not be able to verbalize this need, but they love it when this need is met. #HackLearning
Exactly. Showing that we are human, too, and we all make mistakes. Be real & genuine - 💚 this! It's also great to model asking for help/not knowing the answer to everything. #HackLearning
A1 To connect to our children (or students), we can ask questions about how they enact their values. Asking about what matters to THEM shows that who they are truly matters to us. #HackLearning
A1: Eat lunch with them. Play with them at recess. Ask them ?s about their pets, siblings, weekend. Show an interest in them as people not just students. #HackLearning
Interesting that my sts struggle with stamina ... I wonder if that is because their parents (myself included sometimes) struggle with stamina with them? Sounds like parenting needs growth mindset too #HackLearning
A1. We hear Ts say it’s imp. to get to know your Ss, but we also hear “I choose not to review their files. I don’t wish to prejudice myself.” Review the files. Survey your Ss. Make that first home contact early. These early efforts will make you a better listener. #Hacklearning
A1: Eat lunch with them. Play with them at recess. Ask them ?s about their pets, siblings, weekend. Show an interest in them as people not just students. #HackLearning
a1. Always...ALWAYS be glad to see them! Then, convince them they are secretly your very favorite.
by the way, it's okay to have many, many secret favs :)
#hacklearning
A1. BE REAL! Relationship are everything in HS. Show them your real self and they will do the same. what they tell you about and ask about it again later.
#HackLearning
A1: Eat lunch with them. Play with them at recess. Ask them ?s about their pets, siblings, weekend. Show an interest in them as people not just students. #HackLearning
Such a good point. We don't know all of the answers, and we don't have to. Modeling this is probably huge for kids who grapple with uncertainty. #HackLearning
A1.2 Try doing yourself what kids love to do. (Smile through your potential embarrassment or struggles. Teach self-deprecation by example.) #hacklearning
A1. In order to have a trusting relationship, you have to trust them. No matter their ages, show them trust and respect- you will get it in return. It’s finding that medium. #HackLearning
A1P2: Go to their events outside of school if you can. Go to their graduation after they leave your school. You build relationships with not just students but also with family and the community. #HackLearning
A1: I once observed a teacher do an activity she called culture bags. All Ss had to bring in the bag w/ 3 items that represented them & their culture inside. Everyday, 3-4 Ss would share at the end of class. The connections & community that was created was awesome! #hacklearning
A1. BE REAL! Relationship are everything in HS. Show them your real self and they will do the same. what they tell you about and ask about it again later.
#HackLearning
Great way for 50yr old lady(me) to engage 15 yr old boy (Ss) is Football:)
I know their teams and can discuss wins & losses Monday morning.
#hacklearning
A2: I try (and often fail) to take a wide view. Asking, "What's the real lesson that I want them to carry into adulthood?" Responding based on that rather than the event in the moment. I'm also good at apologizing when I fail to do this. Lol! #HackLearning
a2. I'm not saying you should "spare the rod", but we also must remember behavior is a skill. Reteach as often as possible. Don't just just think consequence/punishment.
We are educators after all. This is what we claim to be great at doing.
#hacklearning
A2: Stay calm, ensure the child knows that they are not bad, but their behavior/choice was not appropriate, be open, help them reflect on their actions, process the event, the feelings & how to make amends #HackLearning
I had an amazingly progressive mom for the time period - never punished us, talked about everything, trusted me. She's my role model for parenting #HackLearning
A2 We must try to stay as calm as we can so that the experience a child has when doing the wrong thing can be remembered as a learning experience which will build trust. #HackLearning
A1: Start each day with Smiles and Frowns. Once a month, we do a one hour Community Circle. End each period with a little poem that lets them know how much they mean. We say a mindset mantra every day. #HackLearning
A1 So important to address them by names and personalize a greeting to them. Recognize and celebrate their specific gifts yo your school.
#hacklearning
A2 We can frame behaviors as “problems” not because they’re against the rules, but because they move the kids away from outcomes THEY value. #HackLearning
I love this idea. A friend and I are writing about cultural legacy and how often, curriculum doesn't often honor it. What a great approach. #HackLearning
I first take a breath, and think of my goal. Don't want to shame the child/teen. Then I ask for their input in creating a solution. This may not be feasible for younger kids. #HackLearning
A2 Find out why. Most children did not do it out of malice although they may have been pushed there. Letting them talk and know they will be listened to is important #HackLearning
A1 get them to tell you their stories - play games w them - walk beside not in front of them - go to their outside of sch activities - show them pictures of you as a kid #HackLearning
Every payday I buy lunch for 2 kids and they eat in my office w/ me. I had a S day, “Am I that special that you want to have lunch with me?” I said, “You sure are!” #HackLearning
A2: We need to react with the mindset that school is a safe space for learning - not just academically, but also behaviorally, socially, emotionally. We are there to teach & coach students as learners and people. #hacklearning
A2: As an ES Principal, I always use this time as a teaching moment. We talk about and role play how to make different choices. We review other options. We discuss potential and fair consequences if it continues. #HackLearning
A2: Stay calm, ensure the child knows that they are not bad, but their behavior/choice was not appropriate, be open, help them reflect on their actions, process the event, the feelings & how to make amends #HackLearning
A2 I use creative consequences.. son shot bird @ brother - hand offended, so he had to had wash our car, then truck, then van ... hasn’t used that gesture now for about 12 years #HackLearning
Hi, parent joining in late.
A2) Step back and consider the circumstances. Do they know it’s wrong? As with everything, the focus should be on teaching. #HackLearning
A1: Express to them that “educator” is your job title, but “human” is what you are, just like them. While we have different roles right now, we are ultimately the same. #HackLearning
A2: be calm and understanding
try to see why they did/didn't do
give grace, forgiveness, & discipline (not punishment)
#HackLearning restorative not punative
Many adults think honesty starts with a child being honest and ends with an adult trusting them, it’s really the reverse. When a child feels trusted, he will begin to be honest. Trust grows through relationship-building. #HackLearning
A2: The principal's office becomes the place Ss go to to solve problems. It becomes a place where Ss grow and learn how to trust, solve problems and manage conflicts (and to give hearfealt art and notes!!) The best part of the job!! #HackLearning
A2 Well, I might react too harshly, caving to the heat of the moment. What I should do is ensure child's safe, then permit moments for all to cool off before problem-solving dialogue. #hacklearning
A2: Figure our the root cause of the behavior. Boredom? Frustration? Stress? Trauma? I tell them to reset and go get a drink at the water fountain. I’ll catch up w/ them later chat about what happened. Doesn’t always work in the moment to talk. #HackLearning
A2 React with understanding, help them reflect. Let them know we all make mistakes and help them decide how to make amends or learn from it #HackLearning
A2: Reacting calmly and using the moment as a learning/coaching experience for the child goes further than frustration or unrelated punishing. #HackLearning
A2: Discipline seldom corrects behavior (in children or adults). Feeling valued and equal to others does. So while consequences may be warranted, relationships are needed! #HackLearning
1) Calm is key - 2) if elevated into Flight, fight, fright provide break before talk - 3)think what could I -the educator or parent- have done differently before considering what child needs to do 4)coach replacement behaviors 5) consider how to square up #hacklearning
A3 There has to be a plan to move forward and learn from their mistakes. Can they help with the 'punishment' What could they suggest they could do. #HackLearning
What are we modeling? I am as transparent and honest as possible. In fact Ss will say, "Well I'm not going to like." when they admit to something like not reading. I always say, good! I want the truth! #hacklearning
A3: as @loveandlogic might suggest, start the interaction when both participants are thinking and not feeling-might require some wait time #HackLearning
A3 We need to take steps to get kids to where we want them to be. Instead of expecting a perfect record after the first or second explanation. What should the next step be? #HackLearning
From the latest #HackLearning book, Hacking Parenthood, @kimberleygmoran reminds us that when we earn children's trust, they're more likely to be honest.
Thanks, Dennis, for offering another (worthy) lens on growth & fixed mindsets. The phrase 'habit-forming' can have positive as well as negative connotations. #hacklearning
A3 We can encourage replacement behaviors that serve the same functions (stimulation, attention, escape) but that move the child or teen toward their values instead of away. #HackLearning
A3 as my sts aged this moved to an understanding of what discipline was appropriate- different for every child ... regardless of what it was, my relationship had to remain priority #HackLearning
A3 Having a T/S contract to restart each day anew & a contract code to remind them each day. They need to know each day is an opportunity for a new start. #HackLearning
A3 don't force students to say "sorry" before ready. This just sends the wrong message. Teach them how their actions affect others so the apology is heartfelt #hacklearning
a3. Have a plan in place ahead of time such as PBIS, Restorative Justice, and the like. Then have a team that provides support to Ts as well as Ss. Restorative approaches are a lot of work, and Ts sometimes need as much help as do the Ss.
#hacklearning
A3: Talk about how behavior affected your classroom community, a specific person, etc. make amends. It takes time but lessons are learned. #HackLearning
A3: By giving Ss a chance to explain what happened, and helping them to understand how their actions impacted someone else. This takes time & processing. Then, allow them to think about how to restore the relationship (maybe from a list of options if necessary). #hacklearning
A3: as @loveandlogic might suggest, start the interaction when both participants are thinking and not feeling-might require some wait time #HackLearning
A3 What do they think they can do better next time. I can't remember the last time I punished any Ss or my two kids. No need. Just adjust for next time.
#Hacklearning
A3 There has to be a plan to move forward and learn from their mistakes. Can they help with the 'punishment' What could they suggest they could do. #HackLearning
a2. I'm not saying you should "spare the rod", but we also must remember behavior is a skill. Reteach as often as possible. Don't just just think consequence/punishment.
We are educators after all. This is what we claim to be great at doing.
#hacklearning
A3 We can remove reinforcing consequences that maintain the problem behavior, and we can create environments that don’t trigger the problem behavior in the first place. #HackLearning
A3 Area I too often overlook: Compliment kids at their best. Rather than taking those interpersonal successes for granted, name & spotlight such awesomeness. #hacklearning
A3: Finding a way to "right the wrong" is better than extended grounding. Opportunities to be of service or researching the impact of one's actions are more meaningful and instill a sense of awnership over the problem/action. #HackLearning
A3: Restorative Practices teach Ss how to understand their problems, work to come up with solutions, execute plans and change behaviors. This practice takes time and patience, but staying the course creates leaders and a positive/caring culture. #hacklearning
A3 as my sts aged this moved to an understanding of what discipline was appropriate- different for every child ... regardless of what it was, my relationship had to remain priority #HackLearning
A3: as @loveandlogic might suggest, start the interaction when both participants are thinking and not feeling-might require some wait time #HackLearning
A3: To restore things we have to be willing to move on and wipe the slate clean. I tell the kiddo that I am over it, it's in the past, and we are heading down the trail. Too much ahead of us to get bogged down by what's behind us. #HackLearning
A3: To restore things we have to be willing to move on and wipe the slate clean. I tell the kiddo that I am over it, it's in the past, and we are heading down the trail. Too much ahead of us to get bogged down by what's behind us. #HackLearning
Such an important point. I often see staff try to speak with a student who is clearly not ready to talk (or vice versa!). Take some time so it can be productive for both sides! #HackLearning
We shouldn’t judge someone’s story by the chapter we walked in on. Take the time to build that relationship. Read the chapters that came before and help them write the next one. #kidsdeserveit#sodoadults
A3 We ask Ss to reflect on what they did, why they did it, what they could do differently next time & what they need to do to make amends. Takes time but it's effective #HackLearning
Thanks for being here! If you're interested in learning more about how honesty comes from trust, consider buying my new book Hacking Parenthood. It's great for parents and teachers. https://t.co/lneJ5Gr1ek#HackLearning
People love #ParentMantras: "I only wish Kimberley Moran had published "Hacking Parenthood" 17 years ago, before my first child was born. I'm ALMOST tempted to have another baby and start over, using her advice!" -Amy Silverman. #HackLearninghttps://t.co/HFQ2e0wjCS
Ideally, yes, though practical circumstances may dictate otherwise. Strikes me as reflective opportunity for all parties. Even if power balance tips to adult, wield with care by inviting dialogue, modeling thoughtful rationales & insightful self-regulation. #hacklearning
