#MASSPchat Archive
Chats will be moderated by MASSP staff, members of the MASSP Board of Directors and MASSP Members – we will also have special guest moderators on occasion.
Monday January 18, 2016
Hello and welcome to tonight! Ben Mainka from MASSP moderating this fine chilly Michigan evening!
Please introduce yourselves and check in with us. We use a Q1/A1 format here on . Lets get ready to talk about parents!
todd simmons P-W MS/HS principal
Hi, All! Jenni Thunberg, AP, Bay City Central
Hello all, Andy Kowalczyk from Bay City Central
Kaarin Averill tweeting for Oakland University School of Ed
Rockford High School here ready for a good chat!
Good Evening . Chris in Marine City checking in this evening.
Denise Kott, Instructional Coach, Clawson
Mike Domagalski, Palms Elementary Principal and Elementary Curriculum Coord. from East China Schools - checking into for a bit
Good evening everyone! We are going to start soon with Q1… Get ready…
Amelia O'Brian - PrepNet LLC - Director of Curriculum and Instruction
Hello! AP from Memphis,TN for where is our great leader! In the background tonight! Gleaming!
Carl, MS principal from TC
TJ @ EJ Rough night. Expelled 2 students & went to visitation of a former student. Not many know the emotional toll of our jobs
Ouch… sorry, that is a bummer!
Yikes. Have to live it to know it. Hard to even explain to my wife at times Sorry for the tough day.
Q1: Adversity can build grit.Do you believe parents today have worked to remove too much adversity from their child’s life?
Good evening! Steve Carlson, Principal of Sandusky Jr/Sr High School. Just getting back from some 7th/8th grade basketball!
Sorry to hear that. Tough day.
Sorry to hear about your loss. And yes, many don't know how much long-term discipline weighs on principals/supts
A1: worked to remove it, no. Advent of tech has created a separation between parents and kids that some are ill-prepared for
A1: I am seeing one extreme or the other. Lack of involvement v. Helicopter.
Absolutely! I think this is the main cause of the social and anxiety issues we see at Middle School & High School.
A1. Generally speaking, yes. Too many parents don't allow kids to experience real life consequences
A1- no parent wants problems for their kids, I just wish they would let the kids work it out before they jump in
A1: yes and no; dependent on expectation
Great point! Tech has created opportunities and also bad habits in some cases
A1. Some certainly have. Others realize that adversity is a valuable part of Ss growing up and maturing
A1. Maybe so.Kids need instant gratification. Rarely do they have to wait things out and struggle for answers to tough Qs on own
A1: Some. More than in the past. But in my experience is not the norm. Many Ps I work w/ still value grit https://t.co/wdYyXFnKzz
Q1: Adversity can build grit.Do you believe parents today have worked to remove too much adversity from their child’s life?
A1: curious how much "helicoptering" is result of changing family structure...single parent/2 working parents/divorced
BAM! Natural consequences are life’s great teacher
A1 Get the feeling sometimes we're the only ones telling some kids "no"!
A1. Sometimes I wonder if this is, in part, caused by the testing-accountability culture? High stakes tests. Thoughts?
at HS level we are seeing kids born into social media to parents that didn't have it.
A1:I believe everyone does the best they can with what they have & what they know. I think parents want to "protect" their kids.
Definitely agree but why can't parents allow it?
"Everyone we encounter is fighting a battle that we don't know anything about" - listen first, solution next approach
To this day I have learned more from my mistakes than my accomplishments
Often I think they want to be friends more than they want to be parents!
A1: Sometimes I wonder if it's the culture we live in today, or if our parents said the same thing about us... Maybe both?
Some to do with Ps' insecurities and not wanting their S's to go thru the same. I hated math = my kid hates math.
Not my parents! Trouble in school, double trouble at home! but most folks my age (58) parents werent that involved
I think you are on to something here, Mike. https://t.co/rCJG9RYIMh
A1: Sometimes I wonder if it's the culture we live in today, or if our parents said the same thing about us... Maybe both?
Q2: How do you handle Ps in the athletic world who demand to go straight to the Sup because their child isn’t playing?
Rob Pouch, principal Linden Elementary, A1 we continue to foster problem solving and conflict resolution.
Join on Thursday, January 21 w/ guest Mod
Topic: "Special Education! HELP!"
A2. Depends on whether the supt will hear them or send them back down the chain of communication.
A2. Important to have a Sup who supports his leadership. Chain of command important!
A2. I would encourage the parents to communicate with the coach and understand the goals of the program
A2. One of my biggest annoyances from coaching. As admin, don't handle issue until it has been addressed with coach, then AD...
A2: consistent and clear message "Playing time is not guaranteed" When Ps call to complain, "have you talked to the coach?"
A2 I do all I can to make parents start at the lowest level direct with the source. Even if I have to arrange & attend meeting
A2: love this - as AD I had opening meetings. Made it clear PT would not be discussed. Had to give another reason to meet.
A2: ask them to realign to our commutation procedures that expect the student to talk to the teacher/coach 1st
A2:we have 24hr rule, but if P mad enough can be tough to enforce. Fortunate to not have this happen much https://t.co/joOND7kNqB
Q2: How do you handle Ps in the athletic world who demand to go straight to the Sup because their child isn’t playing?
BAM! Start with the coach and work from there!
A2, continue to express kindness, "I'm sorry that happened", keep the door open for communication, a good supt deflects back :)
24 hour rule great. Imprtnt for coaches to use as well as the Ps. Tough to enforce,that's why we as admin are there
Q3: What de-escalation strategies have you used with upset parents, especially the ones who show up unexpectedly?
A3: Let them vent and take notes, then provide clarification/explanation. Often they just need to get things off their chest.
A3: first I try to get them out of a crowd/office/etc. without an audience, most calm down.
A3. LISTEN intently. Don't be quick to answer----sympathize. Show u care! Even if u don't agree-treat them respectfully
Great strategy! when you take notes, it also helps them see you are attending to them.
https://t.co/puyTF5edcl
A3: Let them vent and take notes, then provide clarification/explanation. Often they just need to get things off their chest.
A3. Listen, listen and listen. Lead with empathy and ask a lot of questions to start
A3: Let them tell their story and show that you care. Find common goal (success of S) and go from there https://t.co/fLGRBX4NUw
Q3: What de-escalation strategies have you used with upset parents, especially the ones who show up unexpectedly?
Absolutely, sometimes there angst is hard to mitigate when others are around. https://t.co/l7NFY7HyFo
A3: first I try to get them out of a crowd/office/etc. without an audience, most calm down.
A3 con't - give them time to vent once you are their main listener and then go from there.
A3: Force myself to be non-reactionary and lullaby-calm...excruciatingly calm
A3. Listening can often diffuse a lot. Using the line "I hear you saying..." Need to show them you care before any solution
Secretaries play a key role! Have a system in place, establish appts with Ps, can't be in office if you are observing learning :)
Q4 deals with helping kids learn to advocate
A3: recognize and validate their concerns in a private setting, and then after venting, work on solutions
A3. Also important not to react to 'crazy' accusations or other things they may say
A2 That is the job of the superintendent. It is his or her role to redirect the P to the appropriate position. No exceptions.
Q4 How do you help a child learn to advocate for themselves in the midst of helicopter parents?
A3 I often say "If I only knew what you know I would feel the same. Let's see if there is more to the story". It works!
A3The faster I can see a parent the better. I commend them for caring enough to communicate & try to problem solve together.
A4 I deal with this when S/P ask for extended testing time.(SAT) If a S won't advocate then no evidence/plan exists. Won't get
A4. Have used journal check in end of day for Ss to report to us before going home and complaining to parents
A4: expect them to take responsibility for their educ. & legacy via action, not words-show their personal best
A4 at the elementary level continue to develop social skills and conflict resolution.
A4. They need the opportunity to practice. Can be a new experience for many. Start w/ advocating to teachers re: classwork, etc
A4- explain how advocating for self will be important skill to help in life.
BAM! Great time to start learning those skills! https://t.co/aSOkgloGhP
A4 at the elementary level continue to develop social skills and conflict resolution.
A4: try to keep focus on S's outcomes, goals, efforts, etc. Try to promote growth mindset. Struggle = OK https://t.co/IBCgkRwrNR
Q4 How do you help a child learn to advocate for themselves in the midst of helicopter parents?
A4: sometimes in minor discipline issues give the S a chance to go back and work it out with T. Positive interaction for both
A4: When Ps call, I ask them how their student feels about the situation and follow up with the student the next day
I am going to jump to Q6 because I think it is so important and want to get to it!
A4Address the Ss & ask them ?s. Reiterate HS is a transition , and part of their education is to learn to communicate their needs
Q6 How can we form strong relationships with our difficult parents and use them as allies in helping their children?
A6. Make regularly scheduled meetings with difficult parents (i.e. every 6 wks) so they know they have a time to talk with you
A6: Call home with positive news. They'll know you aren't out to get their kid. Takes time, but usually worth it in the end.
By contacting the good times, not only the bad. And be speedy in getting back to them - let them know they matter.
A6: By contacting the good times, not only the bad. And be speedy in getting back to them - let them know they matter.
A6 sometimes impossible but NEVER let it affect how u continue to help a student and be their advocate. u might be the only one!
Exactly! Celebrate successes, large or small, together. Shows interest & investment in positive outcomes https://t.co/nkcx2GSIQW
A6: Call home with positive news. They'll know you aren't out to get their kid. Takes time, but usually worth it in the end.
Communicate Empathize Search for understanding. Go where they go. TALK to them. Develop Goals. Put them on your team. Communicate
BAM! So important to keep in touch when something goes well!
https://t.co/9VMCDkMqFq
A6: By contacting the good times, not only the bad. And be speedy in getting back to them - let them know they matter.
A6 personally invite them to everything/committees, talk to them when you see them, tell them the great things about their kids.
A6 Through the relationship I form with the student. Support the student and the parent will come around.
A6: develop authentic relationships & I need to be better at getting back to them sooner & with pos. feedback
Katy, so true. Every child needs a champion! https://t.co/8rWx3CVHBw
A6 sometimes impossible but NEVER let it affect how u continue to help a student and be their advocate. u might be the only one!
so true Tammy. Focus on student first! https://t.co/zuP10I7DuF
A6 Through the relationship I form with the student. Support the student and the parent will come around.
By doing what is right and serving the child, the rest will take care of itself! https://t.co/OilFGprVcK
A6 Through the relationship I form with the student. Support the student and the parent will come around.
Try and share your resources on this one as we end the night!
Q7 What other resources would help schools handle this problem in our communities?
A6: Relationships, relationships! Connect with them that it happens to you, with your kids, etc... Relationships build trust.
A6 In the end the only thing that really matters is your relationship with your students. They "know the score"
A7. Address it at orientations. Open House, etc. Provide articles. research and give parents permission NOT to rescue their Ss
A7: The book "Dealing with Difficult Parents" = Great read & informational strategies.
His books are fantastic!
A7. Dont' take it personally as a leader! You are doing best for kids when they experience natural consequences
You r right Mike! https://t.co/YghSifW8S9
A7: The book "Dealing with Difficult Parents" = Great read & informational strategies.
His books are fantastic!
Excellent resource… Thank you Mike! Any others who can share resources with the PLN? https://t.co/zZT9AJkCMt
A7: The book "Dealing with Difficult Parents" = Great read & informational strategies.
His books are fantastic!
Thank all of you so much for your participation tonight! Happy MLK Day as we remember the great Dr. King!
We have such great people who participate. Thank you so much for all who contributed and have a great night! Stay warm!
A7: I can name 3 great Ed minds as well for all to follow and use as Ed resources: and
Thank you for moderating Ben! Have a good week all!
