#resiliencechat Archive
Co-moderated by Dr. Robert Martinez and Sara Truebridge, #resiliencechat focuses on promoting resilience amongst educators and students.
Monday June 20, 2016
10:00 PM EDT
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Anyone to be resilient with tonight?
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Hey, hey, hey! I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, said for
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Doing three loads of laundry and had a coffee. I should be good to go.
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Just got in the door from a 7 hour drive from LA back home! So, if I sound blurry tonight, there is a reason!
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Present from hot Philadelphia metro area (but nothing like LA or the southwest)...
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Yay! Several of us chatted anyway last week.
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Whom might be in the chat with us tonight? I see
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The heat alone would do it Rob...
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Great to have you here for
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Ready to roll from my usual spot in my living room.
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My pleasure. Small group tonight?
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Three loads? Can you come here and do mine?
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I apologize in advance for not having an in-depth game plan tonight, yet, I'm being with what I got!
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Does summer reduce chat attendance?
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We'll see how I'm going at 1:whatever in the morning. Could be dicey. :-)
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No worries. If it's better to postpone, say the word.
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I was able to visit with my dad this weekend, what a great visit! He turns 90 in November, and I always learn from him!
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You mean still wired from coffee?
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Well, that's when the third load will hopefully be wrapping up. We'll see how the coffee is holding out.
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Hey friends Spiri from PA, so glad to join you tonight! Missed you all 😊
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What a wonderful Father's Day gift for both of you. You're very lucky...
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Mazel tov! I hope you have a great celebration. My mom made it into her 90s.
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That's awesome! I went up to NH on Saturday to see my own father (83 in November). :-)
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And then you get to hit the sack?
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Got me thinking, Do we recognize the many times that we or those we love demonstrate ? Thoughts?
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Ideally, yes. But I can sleep tomorrow until I wake up, so it's all good. :-)
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I note it in my own children. Long, losing soccer tourney weekend with temps in 90s. Total resilience.
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Q1: Could it be that being appreciative for the gifts that we receive is truly the secret to life?
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I think it's easier to see following crises but that we also catch some of the smaller moments of grace.
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Fantastic blog post, What a wonderful dad and role model.
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We recognize it when we've been pushed or dragged down by life and find a way to stand up again & keep going. Resilience.
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I've noticed it's way easier to see in others than in myself. I wonder if others have the same experience.
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I've also noticed, with my son (now 22) and his friends, there's often a simple grace to their resilience.
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I think it's always harder to view ourselves in those scenarios. Most scenarios. Maybe it's just me.
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A1: Recognizing what we have to be grateful for, no matter how small, is one of the things that keep us balanced.
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I don't think it's just you at all. That's one reason I brought it up.
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A1. I think it's often hard to see the gifts for what they are, especially if in midst of a negative experience.
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I would agree they are, just harder to see. Maybe their true significance is also less obvious?
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A1 Nothing taught me gratitude as much as what's thus far the been the hardest thing I've been through: battling cancer.
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A1: absolutely. Love what you have. Appreciate your peeps.
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Oh, yes. Super important. Feeling a non-stop need to be resilient is wearing under the best of circumstances.
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We all see those negatives in ourselves and others especially our parents Easy to miss the positives
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When our own space is not aligned with peace, it is easy to not appreciate anything. We need to work at it.
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A1 2013... Struggling to save the house. Walking alleys for scrap metal. Selling things for less than value. Scraping by.
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Q2 Do you think that it is important to share your appreciation for someone's talents, resilience, with them? How so?
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A1 One thing about walking alleys in spring and summer taught me was about treasures found. The flowers along fences.
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A2. I think it's easier with children. It feels a somewhat unnatural chat with adults unless they really are in crisis.
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A2: Absolutely. Everyone needs positive reinforcement; many are struggling and some at the edge. Too often we fail here.
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We have had rough times since January 2009 but we still have helped others.
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A2: yes yes yes! Appreciative behavior begets happier people. It is important to recognize talents.
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You do what you've gotta do, and you are grateful you have the health and strength to do it.
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A2. I've had many friends in crisis this year. I send daily text phrases, pics to try to help. It's hard.Knowing what to say
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A2 I think timing is the key, also finding something really genuine to recognize. Hollow affirmation is worse than nothing.
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Q3 Share some ways that as adults we can tell other adults that we appreciate them.
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A2 Important to share your struggles and your triumphs with others. Also important to encourage others.
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oooohhhhhh.... A French quote! love it!
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A2. Never quite know how our messages to other adults are received. Kids easier to read.
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A3 If a colleague's question or comment creates a major positive shift in a discussion, I'll tell them afterwards.
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A3 Simple. I appreciate you.
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A3 If a kid says something nice about another teacher in front of me, I will usually pass it on (unless it's really minor).
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Key point Bill! Authenticity is so important! https://t.co/dI5PmshiSy
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A2 I think timing is the key, also finding something really genuine to recognize. Hollow affirmation is worse than nothing.
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A3 Takes time. There's always a way to tell somehow how much you appreciate them.
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A3: tell people that they are valued, needed, wanted, and loved and mean it. The world needs more of that.
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A3: By looking someone in the eyes and saying good job, I'm here for you, keep holding on, you're not alone. Many ways.
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Ever the beautiful question. Yes, a simple act can set a new course for an entire school! https://t.co/dK2aDWg5qg
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A3 If a colleague's question or comment creates a major positive shift in a discussion, I'll tell them afterwards.
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A3. Share at board mtgs. Personal notes. Positive FICAs.
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Indeed we do Spiri. So much struggle and angst in the world that we simply have to stand together.
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Superb! Yes!! https://t.co/r5tvNtCXQ7
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A3: tell people that they are valued, needed, wanted, and loved and mean it. The world needs more of that.
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A3 Sometimes it takes years to figure out you appreciate someone and why.
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A3 Also, if a colleague's devotion to kids, personal learning, and meeting our school's mission touches me, I'll share that.
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Affirmation for a job well done, and for being present! https://t.co/ID8qCVgbMi
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A3: By looking someone in the eyes and saying good job, I'm here for you, keep holding on, you're not alone. Many ways.
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You have a great point here. https://t.co/QCk5Q11pQr
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A3 Sometimes it takes years to figure out you appreciate someone and why.
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A3 Just don't take people for granted. And, if you do, tell them you have and intentionally change.
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Thanks.I think that is why marriages fail sometimes. A spouse can feel taken for granted. & ppl move apart.
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A3 After I got through the hardest part of cancer treatment, my husband told me how much he was afraid of losing me.
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A3) Love quality time w/a person, to know they set out 10-15 mins to have a cup of coffee w/me & talk, means the world to me
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Q4 I wonder if we feel more challenged when we are not recognizing the efforts of others. Thoughts?
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I couldn't agree more. It starts with talking. Duh?!? https://t.co/nwwLAAIHht
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Thanks.I think that is why marriages fail sometimes. A spouse can feel taken for granted. & ppl move apart.
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A3 I think we appreciate each other in a much deeper way now. Crises can either break you up or make you stronger.
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A4 I think it's easier to get caught up in a cycle of negativity when you're not explicitly looking to lift up others.
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A4: tough one. IMO I think we feel more challenged when we are being taken advantage of and notice that is the case.
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A4 I think we feel more challenged when we don't think people are recognizing us. Acknowledgement goes a long way.
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A4: Maybe not challenged, but perhaps not being all we can be by withholding positive words & support to others.
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A4 We do feel more challenged when we don't really understand how much the other person cares.
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Honestly, though, I primarily feel most challenged when I'm cutting myself subzero slack.
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A4. I grow weary when the recognition isn't acknowledged. Staff appreciation gifts with hand written notes. Not one thx.
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True, if we believe our efforts are not recognized we may become negative rather than positive. https://t.co/QeWiBusG6B
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A4: tough one. IMO I think we feel more challenged when we are being taken advantage of and notice that is the case.
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Or perhaps not realizing how much they need to know that we do.
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A4. Recognition does go both ways.
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We are all different.My husband didn't tell me his concerns until after I was done with chemo.I didn't know how hard it was.
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Totally agree. https://t.co/ut9raehIxB
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True, if we believe our efforts are not recognized we may become negative rather than positive. https://t.co/QeWiBusG6B
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A4: tough one. IMO I think we feel more challenged when we are being taken advantage of and notice that is the case.
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Was he trying to be the strobe one? https://t.co/O0HRtfo6ds
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We are all different.My husband didn't tell me his concerns until after I was done with chemo.I didn't know how hard it was.
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Yeah. Talking is important. So is being vulnerable.
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Q5: Small items, big challenges, our work, the work of others...should we build cultures where we seek to affirm all?
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It's very important. Can be very disheartening if things like that are not communicated.
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After you've been burned, showing vulnerability is tough. https://t.co/fAkygpXzH7
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Yeah. Talking is important. So is being vulnerable.
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Totally agree with you...
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Not really. I think more than he didn't want to express his fear. Be vulnerable until afterwards.
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A5: Goodness yes Rob. If life today doesn't show us that everyone needs affirmation, nothing will.
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A5: yes! Spread joy. More people need to hear the good often. It is easy to critique. We need to bring praise.
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Can b.I have been burned but I still have it in me to b vulnerable.Actually an important strength 2 maintain.
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Praise. Great, simple word Jenny that carries with it tremendous power.
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A5 Should we? Absolutely. Harder than it sounds. In a negative culture, recognition and praise often Sen with skepticism.
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I concur - honest appreciation with specificity is a must. !!! https://t.co/mtZPwFJA2R
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A5: yes! Spread joy. More people need to hear the good often. It is easy to critique. We need to bring praise.
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I think the biggest challenge is w/those who believe people don't inherently deserve respect.
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A5 Should we? Absolutely. Harder than it sounds. In a negative culture, recognition and praise often seen with skepticism.
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Quick re-cap! Notice and appreciate and in others! Seek to all for positive actions! 2
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Why those of us who know better & understand more need to "keep at it."
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A5 Relatively easy to live a culture of respect/affirmation. Trying to convert ppl resistant to it by nature is frustrating.
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A5 Yes.Kid Q just graduated 8th grade.Some classmates did exceptionally wellWere recognizedWhy would I make her feel lesser?
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Hard to convince others they are worthy. Conscientious effort required. They are worth it.
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baby steps to turn that culture around. Keep up the good work for trying!
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A5 Honestly, I've always fought any special honours/awards in our middle school. By now, part of the culture.
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A5 Starting with you for sharing about your dad. Sure he has flaws, but what great spirit.
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And to you Rob after a long day for keeping us...keeping on. Take care all.
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Q6 How will you work towards and those in your world to increase .
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Have a great week everyone!
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I think it's wrong, too. Wonder how many yelled at kids afterwards? Unfair to many. Such vulnerable age, too.
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A6: Quickly...by continuing to focus on the positives so that those struggling can keep up the fight.
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I wish I could have had that talk with my dad. Lots of good things but he had Parkinson's and then aphasia.
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A6: Spread joy daily. Smile at the person walking with their head down. Wave to someone looking at you. It goes a long way.
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That vulnerability is exactly why we don't do it. Vast developmental differences make comparisons pointless.
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That ought to happen more often.
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Love it!! Thanks so much Debra https://t.co/iZRSJnd6oC
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A6: Quickly...by continuing to focus on the positives so that those struggling can keep up the fight.
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With her learning disabilities, I think it's enough that she made it. Why would I shame or embarrass her?
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My pleasure always Rob. Have a good week. See you soon...
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I can't imagine you ever would. I'm in your corner.
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I think it has powerful potential. If done right.
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Here's hoping that everyone has an amazing week ahead! !
and should both be back on 6/27
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Thanks for a great . I needed this today. You all rock! ♥️ thanks to Rob for hosting.
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