Run by Iowa educators, #IAedchat is on Twitter the first, second, and third Sundays each month at 8:00pm CST. We have added #IAedchat LIVE to the fourth Sunday of the month at 8:00pm CST. This will take place in Google Hangout on Air. We will share the invitation and link to #IAedchat LIVE each month.
A1: They usually involve change, either structural or technical. Communicating the “Why” is critical not only for buy in but to set and communicate direction. #iaedchat
A1: Often times the most difficult convos are avoided, especially when someone is not performing to the standard expected. This in turn hurts your culture & often times kids. #IAedchat
A1- Letting good teachers, administrators, or other staff members know when they can do better. I find it easier to let those that underperform that I am disappointed then the best.. #iaedchat
The tough conversations come with teacher on teacher improvement...an established coaching routine makes these conversations non-accusatory and more collaborative #iaedchat
A1: They usually involve change, either structural or technical. Communicating the “Why” is critical not only for buy in but to set and communicate direction. #iaedchat
A1: As Elementary Principal, tough conversations range from discussing student disciplinary actions with parents to addressing staff in regards to changes as I am new to the district.
A1: Conversations become difficult when someone is not meeting expectations or movement that must occur. Difficult, but necessary for healthy culture. #iaedchat
A1: some of the most difficult conversations are around accountability and judgments we make. My administrator does an amazing job modeling "assume positive intent". #iaedchat
A1: They usually involve change, either structural or technical. Communicating the “Why” is critical not only for buy in but to set and communicate direction. #iaedchat
A1: Convos that should never be avoided are when kids are being treated unfairly. It's not even about taking the kid's side; it's about doing the right thing & holding ourselves to a higher standard. #IAedchat
I’ve been relying on this to guide me in tough conversations- My lack of bravery to confront that which erodes our culture permits the failure of our kids and colleagues. Too much is at stake to not be brave. #iaedchat
Q2: Tough conversations can be with parents, students, colleagues, or staff. What is important to keep in mind when entering into a tough conversation? #IAedChat
A1.2: As you think about conducting these critical conversations, remember, there are two sides to every story. Assume the best, until you have strong reason to believe otherwise. Keep emotions in check. #iaedchat
The best piece of advice I have ever received about school leadership.
"Don't take it personally"
We need to believe everyone wants what is best for kids...Assume POSITIVE intent...even when they are wrong. #iaedchat
Q2: Tough conversations can be with parents, students, colleagues, or staff. What is important to keep in mind when entering into a tough conversation? #IAedChat
A1 rely on the relationship you have est. with people often times it isn’t what we are saying but how we say it and the way we treat the people involved #iaedchat
A2 We must first listen to understand, not listen to provide an answer. We need to keep in mind what is in the best interest of all of our kids. #iaedchat
Q2: Tough conversations can be with parents, students, colleagues, or staff. What is important to keep in mind when entering into a tough conversation? #IAedChat
A2: It's important to not make assumptions about what people are thinking or feeling. You can only do that by listening to understand, not to respond. #iaedchat
Q2: Tough conversations can be with parents, students, colleagues, or staff. What is important to keep in mind when entering into a tough conversation? #IAedChat
Q2: Making sure that we are seeking to understand and remembering that we are here to do what is best for kids. What is best isn't always comfortable. #iaedchat
A2- See the conversation from the other person's perspective, do not become emotional or take their reaction personally and keep in mind that if you are doing what's right for kids it's ok for others to be uncomfortable we have to do what's best for our kids! #iaedchat
A2: Know what you want to get accomplished during the conversation. Let your goals serve as the road map to keep it productive and moving in the right direction. Don't forget to LISTEN. #iaedchat
A2) It cannot be personal. The other person truly believes their perception and they have a right to that belief just as much as you have. That is why it is tough - and they might be right (why convo is impt)! #iaedchat
A2 Its important to keep in mind that everyone has a right to feel the way that they feel. Everyone sees the same situation from their own perspective and we must be able to respect and accept that. We must listen without being defensive. #IAedChat
A1: Tough conversations on teacher performance. When teachers do not seem willing to alter habits to make a successful environments for students. #iaedchat
Always listen and remember when others are emotionally charged, they are probably deflecting. The feelings often stem from something much deeper than what we see. #iaedchat
A2: When having a tough conversation it is important to listen with our whole body, to "assume positive intent", ask questions, and to keep the focus on students and the vision/mission/goals. #iaedchat
Q2: Tough conversations can be with parents, students, colleagues, or staff. What is important to keep in mind when entering into a tough conversation? #IAedChat
A2: One way to look at tough conversations is to remember it takes a certain skill set to have them. But the only way to get better is to have them, not avoid them. #IAedchat
It is important to be honest and give a goal to make the person you are working with have something to strive towards in the future. Set a "due" date to check in again. #iaedchat
A2: Relationships are vital. I think it’s important to remember that you need to build a positive relationship first and this helps with tough convos that may take place in the future. I try to build that by giving staff hand written personal notes of encouragement. #iaedchat
A2: One way to look at tough conversations is to remember it takes a certain skill set to have them. But the only way to get better is to have them, not avoid them. #IAedchat
A2.2: Every difficult conversation that you conduct is an opportunity to enhance a relationship if done correctly. Demonstrate empathy, listen intently, and focus on improvement. If you avoid these convos, you are losing credibility. #iaedchat
A2.2: Every difficult conversation that you conduct is an opportunity to enhance a relationship if done correctly. Demonstrate empathy, listen intently, and focus on improvement. If you avoid these convos, you are losing credibility. #iaedchat
A3: There are many take backs I wish I could have. The vast majority of them are times when I made an assumption and did not give an equal voice to the conversation partner. #iaedchat
A3: Ahh... too many to mention. However, in hindsight I've learned over time... 1.) Don't make assumptions, 2.) Assume the best & 3.) Ask more Q's. #IAedchat
Hands down I would redo a conversation I had over the length of and supervision responsibilities for afternoon recess. It turned in to WAY more than it needed to. #iaedchat
A3 I cannot pinpoint a specific conversation; however I do know that I need to continue to work on listening more and talking less. I can be a talker at times and that’s not always the best trait in specific situations. #IAedChat
A3: There are many! For me it was more about the length of time I let pass before that conversation took place. Problems don't always get better with time. Address the situation and help the person grow. Another would be jumping to conclusions. #iaedchat
A3 So many ! I wish I knew then what I know now, I wish I knew today, what I will know tomorrow. I am going to be talking about a mistake in my carear that I wish I could change in an article that releases tomorrow am if interested https://t.co/MR0tSQ3Nc8#iaedchat
A3: Ahh... too many to mention. However, in hindsight I've learned over time... 1.) Don't make assumptions, 2.) Assume the best & 3.) Ask more Q's. #IAedchat
Something to modify is when you shoot from the hip and it comes out wrong. However, every mistake I make gets me better the next time. My goal is to learn how to help each person with personalized attention. #IAedChat
A3) Great question! Any convo in which I assumed and rushed to judgment so we can come up with a solution. Then had to go back because all things were not considered. Ugh!!! :) #iaedchat
A2: I always try to keep it in the back of my mind how I would feel as the parent or student and delve into the mind of my colleague or a staff member. #IAedChat
A3: I wish I could go back and modify parts of dialogue from daily conversations! Also one with a colleague regarding stress and anxiety. I was quoting the research from "The Upside of Stress" by Kelly McGonigal and it wasn't the right time or correct way to share it. #iaedchat
A2: I always try to keep it in the back of my mind how I would feel as the parent or student and delve into the mind of my colleague or a staff member. #IAedChat
A3 I have had many conversations that I wish I could do over. I have learned to reflect and question myself to make certain I improve in this area #iaedchat
A1: Tough conversations happen anywhere people feel evaluated or judged. Sometimes it’s parent conversations, student teacher conversations and sometimes conversations with students where you know they’ll feel embarrassed. Putting yourself in their position is key! #iaedchat
A2: Remember that it is a conversation, not just a talk. Make sure you're ready to listen, even though you may have an important point to get across. #iaedchat
Q2: Tough conversations can be with parents, students, colleagues, or staff. What is important to keep in mind when entering into a tough conversation? #IAedChat
A3.3: Things I've learned to be productive and reduce my chances of regret in conversations:
1). Be empathetic
2). Shut up and listen
3). Assume the best. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
4). Regardless of level of difficulty, let them leave w/ their dignity. #iaedchat
A3: Usually, I wish I would have maintained better eye-contact or focused in more on the details of what was being said. In most cases, I think the follow-up is what is most important. I think that shows the person that you reflected on the time you spent speaking. #IAedChat
#iaedchat processing time is important. I think after a thought conversation, you should always make a plan to talk a day or two later to check in and say what might not have gotten said the first time.
A3: Letting too much time pass in following up with someone or not addressing something immediately. Talking too much. Pacifying rather than directing. The list goes on… #iaedchat
I learned very early NOT to say “I’d like to talk later” without giving a reason. Depending on the team player, It can lead to unnecessary stress #iaedchat
I've learned that it is easier to have a difficult conversation when your approach is more about coaching than it is about evaluating. #Coachemup#IAedchat
I just had a tough parent convo last week. I told the P that I love his daughter like I love my own and care for her deeply. That's why I made the phone call. #IAedChat
Q4: What strategies do you use to plan for a tough conversation. If possibly, specify whether with a colleague, admin with teacher, parent, or student. #IAedChat
A2: Ask questions to gain perspective on what would make the conversation go further. Experts always listen to gain knowledge they know they don’t have in order to better the situations and others like it. Remind all parties were on the same team. #iaedchat
The most common type of tough conversations in my setting usually involve change. Many people find comfort in what they know or how it’s been done before, but growth happens when change occurs. #iaedchat
Along with #SCCSDChat, #IAedchat is also happening if you have your tweetdecks open. Great learning experience! #SCCSD discussiong Great teachers are great learners.
A4: Before I talk to a parent, I often would go over my thoughts with my mentor teacher or a more experienced teacher. They would help me think through the convo before it happened. #iaedchat
A3.3: Things I've learned to be productive and reduce my chances of regret in conversations:
1). Be empathetic
2). Shut up and listen
3). Assume the best. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
4). Regardless of level of difficulty, let them leave w/ their dignity. #iaedchat
Q4: What strategies do you use to plan for a tough conversation. If possibly, specify whether with a colleague, admin with teacher, parent, or student. #IAedChat
A4: Pay attention to body language, acknowledge the other person’s thinking and let them speak, be attentive to the conversation, and problem-solve together. #IAedChat
A4 from the start of my career I always have visualized conversations when possible and I have always made a notecard with talking points the first thing it says is be nice and be positive. #iaedchat
A4: Often times I chat with mentors or other admin for their input and type an email to myself to get my thoughts down. Depending on the situation I refer to prof dev books for suggestions too. #iaedchat
#IAedChat A4 Have all details and important information before you make the phone call. And be sure that you know the family background and who you were speaking to; refer to them by the proper name. Always start off positive.
A4: I think about it ahead of time, and jot down notes- especially for phone conversations. In F2F, conversations, I don't typically use notes, but thinking it through has helped me stay the course. #iaedchat
A4: Often times I chat with mentors or other admin for their input and type an email to myself to get my thoughts down. Depending on the situation I refer to prof dev books for suggestions too. #iaedchat
A4 Preplanning convo, rehearse in my head or with trusted person/coach. Many of my virtual clients rehearse convo with me. Builds confidence. #IAedChat
A4 When knowingly approaching a tough convo I try to make sure that it’s face-to-face so there is clarity in tone and facial expressions. I work through dialogue ahead of time to ensure positive language without blame. #iaedchat
Q2: It’s important to remember to be fully present and listen mindfully when entering these conversations. It’s important to remember to acknowledge & validate everyone’s feelings and come up with a collaborative solution to any roadblocks that may arise. #iaedchat
Q2: Tough conversations can be with parents, students, colleagues, or staff. What is important to keep in mind when entering into a tough conversation? #IAedChat
A4: Often times I chat with mentors or other admin for their input and type an email to myself to get my thoughts down. Depending on the situation I refer to prof dev books for suggestions too. #iaedchat
A4. When having difficult conversations with students/parents, data and facts are key. Keeps conversation on track and keeps emotions/opinions out. #iaedchat
A4: I put myself in their shoes. Ask questions, listen, and keep the focus on the purpose and intended outcome. Try to show empathy, compassion and vulnerability. #iaedchat
I try to use a projector to show evidence of emails and notes that I have saved. It helps to show positive work on a screen to get colleagues thinking about the next steps. The best conversations happen before they need to be tough! #IAedChat
A4: ARM Yourself.
A = Acknowledge - focus on other person.
R = Rectify - focus on solutions.
M = Move On - Don't dwell on things beyond your control.
#IAedchat
A4 Remember some of what you like about the person and start there, remember why you are having the conversation and expected outcome, be prepared for an emotional reaction , don't take it personal #iaedchat
Q4: What strategies do you use to plan for a tough conversation. If possibly, specify whether with a colleague, admin with teacher, parent, or student. #IAedChat
A4: I like to have bullet points ready to go with the key items that need to be discussed. If nothing else, the bullet points will be talked about. Many times we go elsewhere, but always circle back to what needs to happen. Bullets are the map! #iaedchat
Q2: It’s important to remember to be fully present and listen mindfully when entering these conversations. It’s important to remember to acknowledge & validate everyone’s feelings and come up with a collaborative solution to any roadblocks that may arise. #iaedchat
Q2: Tough conversations can be with parents, students, colleagues, or staff. What is important to keep in mind when entering into a tough conversation? #IAedChat
Q4: What strategies do you use to plan for a tough conversation. If possibly, specify whether with a colleague, admin with teacher, parent, or student. #IAedChat
Hmm. i guess I see the do over as following the reflection not instead of the reflection... There would have to be some sort of limit to prevent abuse. #iaedchat
A4) Tell them why you are meeting. Ask questions/inquire. Acknowledge feelings/ideas. Problem solve. Remember to listen and be mindful of your personal air time. #iaedchat
A4 I always go for a walk before to clear my head and organize my thoughts. I also do my best to keep emotions out of the conversation. And listen more than I speak. #iaedchat
Q4: What strategies do you use to plan for a tough conversation. If possibly, specify whether with a colleague, admin with teacher, parent, or student. #IAedChat
Q3: A reflective person is always going to go back and think about how they can apply the pros and cons of what they’ve learned from previous experiences to future ones. Is there really just one situation? #iaedchat
Q2: It’s important to remember to be fully present and listen mindfully when entering these conversations. It’s important to remember to acknowledge & validate everyone’s feelings and come up with a collaborative solution to any roadblocks that may arise. #iaedchat
Q2: Tough conversations can be with parents, students, colleagues, or staff. What is important to keep in mind when entering into a tough conversation? #IAedChat
A4: With students, starting restorative practice questions (where you ask 3 questions without giving feedback yet$ is a positive starting point. #IAedchat
Q4: What strategies do you use to plan for a tough conversation. If possibly, specify whether with a colleague, admin with teacher, parent, or student. #IAedChat
A4.2: Please remember, it is completely natural to feel nerves and fear before entering a tough conversation. That is your amygdala (lizard brain) firing and anticipating threats. Dance with this fear and stay focused. #iaedchat
A4:I like to think of questions I could ask the person before I get started. I usually make a note of 2-3 points I'd like to get across, but try to help coach the person to their own realization of those points. Tough conversations don't need to be dictated, but guided.#IAedChat
A5: Tough conversations are imperative when someone is passionate about something. If you believe in something and are ready to speak up for it, it’s the right time. Whether it’s for yourself, a student, or someone else, it’s important to stand up for your beliefs. #IAedChat
AND. Don't forget the other person will have cortisol and adrenaline filling their brains during/before this conversation. These hormones inhibit much cognition. We need to be conscious of this and do our best to limit stress in the other party. #iaedchat
A4.2: Please remember, it is completely natural to feel nerves and fear before entering a tough conversation. That is your amygdala (lizard brain) firing and anticipating threats. Dance with this fear and stay focused. #iaedchat
A4. I have the most awesome teacher-colleague that is wonderful with difficult conversations, so she’s my go-to. I also ask my sister, who works in HR, as she has lots of difficult conversations with her job. #IAedChat
A5) I think when it is for the benefit of the other person-I think they would want to know ASAP. Never a right time. If it is impacting kids/culture-then immediately! #iaedchat
A5 By the time it feels like the time is right, it might be too late. No relationship should be irreparable from just one conversation. When in doubt, do. Do have that conversation. #IAedChat
A5 Critical Convos need to occur when the purpose is lost &/or the practice is focused on something other than what is best for Ss. Like others have said before - this usually happens as our profession changes. Change is hard, but we need to keep the focus on our Ss! #iaedchat
A5: Make sure you have enough time- it's also helpful when both people have some time and space to reflect after. Some convos are more urgent than others. When kids, culture, or relationships are at stake, it's more critical. #iaedchat
A5. It is always easiest to address the elephant in the room before the elephant gets too big. If that time has passed...sooner rather than later is always the best time.
#iaedchat
A5. Tough conversations should happen promptly but when everyone has had time to gather their thoughts. We are not in the business of playing the "gotcha" game. #iaedchat
A5. The right time is always. Leaders need to make time to talk to staff weekly to make sure all is ok. Sometime in a weekly check in we can learn about things we did not know were happening. #iaedchat
A5 The tough conversations need to happen when I notice a person is struggling and it’s affecting students. If possible, try to get in front of the situation and provide support prior to the work and learning environment feel it. #IAedChat
A5: You can only kick the can so far down the road, then you’ve got miles between where you are and where you could have been. In all things, it’s the relationship. Imagine how much more strained it will be if you violate the trust of not dealing with an issue. #iaedchat
A5 When you know what the exact message you want to deliver is and never when you are emotional....@ed_maltbie uses the 24 hour rule...if you still think it is necessary after 24 hours go for it. #iaedchat
A4: I try to rehearse my points & possible solutions to trusted colleagues before engaging in the conversation. I also take a moment to pause, listen to quiet music, & do some focused breathing. Energy is contagious! Let them catch your calming energy. #iaedchat
Q4: What strategies do you use to plan for a tough conversation. If possibly, specify whether with a colleague, admin with teacher, parent, or student. #IAedChat
A5 By the time it feels like the time is right, it might be too late. No relationship should be irreparable from just one conversation. When in doubt, do. Do have that conversation. #IAedChat
A5 By the time it feels like the time is right, it might be too late. No relationship should be irreparable from just one conversation. When in doubt, do. Do have that conversation. #IAedChat
A5:If someone seeks you out-you make the time. If positive culture is disrupted, address it. If you sense something is off, seek it out. Stay ahead of difficult conversations. #iaedchat
A6: Bias or others’ views, as well as a hidden agenda… these shouldn’t come into the conversation. Don’t make assumptions. Assume positive intent and don’t come into the conversation with a premeditated agenda. #IAedChat
A6 you have to leave your ego and a gotcha mentality behind with our question but make sure you bring a load of compassion and understanding with you #iaedchat
A6 Personal feelings. We need to remember that it’s not about us and we need to not personalize it. Listen and try to understand where the other person is coming from #IAedChat
A5: one tip I was given was to remember you don’t have to answer the answer right away. Take time to process, consider possible solutions, and then address the issue. That said, don’t put off til tomorrow what should be done today. #iaedchat
A6: Negative feelings. We need to focus on being productive within the work environment to better impact our culture and climate. Too often we take our job too personally and lately it affect our relationships & communication. Easier said than done. 😉 #iaedchat
A6: Ego and negativity. It's not about you. You just happen to be the person who can make a difference in that person's situation. If it wasn't you in the position it would be someone else. Make it count, and make it kind. #iaedchat
A2: I think in having tough conversations, you and the other person need to have a level of trust amongst each other. This happens through building relationships. #iaedchat#uted
A7: I feel as if the take-away is that many people across the country are all having tough conversations. We are not alone. When you don't want to do it, you have to!!! #iaedchat
A7: Use this as an opportunity to enhance the relationship and connect deeper. "I am talking to you about this because I care deeply about you and want you to succeed." #iaedchat
A7: Having tough conversations in both my personal and professional life is one of my biggest challenges, so I followed this chat tonight without contributing much, but gaining so much insight from great educators. Thank you all so much! #iaedchat
A7 Take risks, find common ground, address before something escalates. listen, ask questions, seek to understand just like all the awesome #iaedchat peeps!
A7. Tough conversations are a two-way street. We need to focus on outcomes and using these conversations as opportunities to develop our relationships. #iaedchat
A7: We have have facilitated difficult conversations, and have been on the receiving end of them. Compassion, open-mindedness, and patience is required on both ends. #iaedchat
A7: have a plan, but pay attention to where the convo might actually need to go. Remember it's for the kids, regardless of who the convo is with. #iaedchat
Thanks for taking part in this #IAedChat discussion about Tough Conversations! Join us again next week! Go out and make Monday matter and have an amazing week!
A7: Positivity, collaboration, open- mindedness, and being fully present when communicating can help to evolve your next challenging conversation to a triumphant one. #iaedchat
One way to have a tough conversation is to ask “what’s working?” “What’s not working?” “Your next steps.” And “my next steps.” It makes you and the other person be in the same boat...coaching. @casas_jimmy#iaedchat#uted
